Some Girls
by Amy05
Summary: Title stolen from a Neil LaBute play and plot revolving around Kevin and Luke dealing with romance. A story set about seven years after the show had ended, mostly about Kevin and how his disability interferes with having a normal love life.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This show is very new to me and it saddens me I didn't get hooked back when it was on air so I missed all the talks. I loved the dynamics between the siblings and I hope I managed to capture here at least a very small percentage of that.

This story takes place now and it's mostly a look at the grown-up Girardi brothers (Kevin and Luke) through two women's eyes. To make this work, I just imagined Luke went to MIT and Kevin got into a small college in the Boston area, so that the two are living in the same city. I've always pictured Joan in NY, so she's not in this story (although her presence is felt). The second option would be fudging with canon and moving the Girardi family straight to Boston, after Kevin's accident. I'm actually more into this version (although I dislike changing canon), because with all the independence he's capable of, I don't think Kevin would more to another city.

Usual disclaimers apply.

Please enjoy and review.

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><p>Three weeks into her neurology rotation, Karen was getting bored. Not the type of boredom she felt during her radiology rotation, but the "I'm never getting into this one" boredom. She was definitely an E.R. type of girl. The excitement, the thrill and pace of things got her hooked since she was kid and sneaked into the living room behind her parents' back so she could watch "E.R." with them. Sort of speak. Her father wanted her to become involved in something more girly; instead, she was interested in all those bloody procedures. And she had a crush on that foreign doctor.<p>

So watching comatose patients and writing down their never changing vitals wasn't her idea of fun medicine. Although she got a few thrills a few days back when she got the case of a guy who become aphasic after being struck by lightning. But these kind of cases were too rare to get her interest in the field.

During this shift, she had been assigned to dr. Stansfield and his ever expressionless face. Her Attending du jour had that 'been there, done that' attitude that nothing could make him smile or frown. He was holding a pile of charts and was making rounds.

"Mr. Girardi, how are you feeling today?", dr. Stansfield asked, as he pulled the curtain of the exam table away.

"Well, I'm all good, except that nurse gave me a shot a few minutes ago and now I can't seem to feel my legs…", said Kevin, looking a bit bewildered.

Karen didn't get it at first, but soon realized it was a joke and couldn't help but chuckle a bit. Her Attending, however, seemed as unimpressed as ever.

"I was actually just looking for a refill….on my Baclofen prescription", Kevin continued, a bit disappointed that his joke didn't get as much as the attention he had hoped for. "I ran out and people thought I was rehearsing some weird dance for the next season of American's Got Talent….because of…you know…the spasms…which…", he trailed off timidly.

"How are you getting along with the KAFOs?"the old doctor asked.

"Um…pretty ok, I don't feel like I've ran a marathon anymore after walking with those things for a couple of hours", answered Kevin.

After overcoming his fear and trying electrical stimulation a few years back, Kevin included it in his physical therapy routine to maintain flexibility and prevent – on some level – muscle wastage. Or, as he put it "an attempt not to have chopsticks as legs". Vanity, thy name is Kevin, his sister Joan told him, after his failed attempts to explain to her all the physiological benefits of standing and walking for SCI patients. She mocked him a bit, but she felt good knowing that her big brother is still very much interested in his own looks. He was moving on and trying to get the best of everything. This included walking with KAFOs in therapy – hip to tow braces. It wasn't really walking, more like shifting weight with his hips, the limited movement he had as a T10 somewhat incomplete paraplegic with little feeling below injury level. Still, the first time his family saw him on his own two feet, they were overwhelmed. They have forgotten just how tall he was and how great it felt to hug him without bending down. It kept the illusion alive.

"Great! I'm being paged in the E.R. Dr. Matthews, could you continue what we were doing here and hold these until I get back? Thanks", the older doctor said, handing Karen the charts.

"For what it's worth, I think you're somewhat funny", she said, smiling.

"Somewhat? Pretty encouraging", Kevin scoffed.

"Well, yeah. Somewhat. You lack the audience so you force those jokes on the medical staff".

"Oh, come on. I had a nurse totally freaking out because of the 'I can't feel my legs bit'. "

"Was it her first day on the job?", Karen smirked.

"Yeah, probably", he laughed. "Whoa, what are you doing?"

Karen had started examining him, according to dr. Stansfield's directions.

"I'm….assessing sensory neuron and motor responses… "

"Isn't it written here all about my responses?" he pointed to the chart.

She stopped and took a very serious posture.

"I'm a medical student and I want to learn it myself".

"Can't you…learn on someone else? And let the creepy old doctor do all the assessments here?" he grinned.

"Are you serious? I'm a doctor."

"Medical student", he pointed out.

Karen rolled her eyes. Yeah, cocky SCI patients weren't her ideal ones either. Definitely 'no' to neurology.

"Fine. Wait forever until that one comes back", she said as she threw his chart on the bed. At least she was getting ahead training for the freaks that come to the ER.

"Now those are not nice bedside manners", he yelled after her.

Karen went out in the hallway and headed for the doctor's lounge. She had to pull 12 hours shifts at the hospital but she still wasn't quite used to them yet. Yet. On her way, she stopped at the nurse's station to put back some of dr. Stansfield's charts.

Pacing around the hallway was a young man, in his early twenties. Blond hair, medium height. Cute. Karen turned around and decided to ignore him.

But then she changed her mind.

"May I help you?" she asked, half turned to face him.

"Um…no..no", he stuttered bit. "I'm just waiting for my brother", he answered, shrugging.

"Is he a patient here?"

"Yeah. No. Um…It's Girardi. Kevin. Kevin Girardi".

"Oh", she scoffed.

They didn't really look alike. Different hair color, different jaw line. Same eyes though. And this one seemed a bit like her type.

"He's just getting a new prescription, it shouldn't be long", she continued.

"Oh, yeah, I know. I wasn't…I was just trying to figure something out and pacing helps."

She decided to give him her whole attention.

"Anything I can do to help? I'm a doctor you know", she smiled, a bit flirtatious.

"Its says..medical student…on your name tag", Luke blurted out, before realizing that might've come out a bit condescending to her.

Great. They really were brothers, Karen thought.

"And no, thanks. For the help I mean", Luke tried to mend it. "I have to mix some…um…It's a chemistry problem, it's a tough one", he shook his head.

Strike two.

And then it hit him, again. "Which you would know a thing or two because you're a doctor…"

"Medical student", she corrected him, smiling.

"I'm sorry, I'm working on a case and I can't stop thinking about it…And…too much caffeine makes me…well, a bit crazy", he tried to apologize.

Well, at least he wasn't hiding his insecurities by making half jokes, like his brother.

Caffeine was making him crazy. Caffeine and good looking, smart women. With strong personalities. Usually blondes. He tried to address that certain aspect when Joan mocked him commenting that "this brain boy" is attracted to the stereotypical hair color that usually attracts the "no brain boys". He tried to explain it by thinking that Grace, his first love, was a blonde, but then he couldn't really explain Glynis or Ellen, his fifth grade fascination.

"A case? What do you do?"Karen asked.

And as he enthusiastically went on to tell her all about his work in the CSI lab, about his father being a cop and how he felt lost for the first two years at MIT, wanting to do everything – seriously considering becoming a neurologist - but having to choose, Kevin had finish getting his prescription and wheeled out on the hallway.

And then he wheeled back. Luke was talking to a cute girl and gesturing and she was smiling and seemed to really listen. To what he was saying. Really listen. He smiled to himself a bit and parked in a corner, deciding to give them a few more minutes, as he took out his iPhone to surf the web a bit.

But first he was going to take a few pictures of his little brother flirting. Making fun of each other was something the Girardi siblings could never stop doing.

* * *

><p>"Would you stop complaining? My car, my rules, Luke", said Kevin, while trying to accommodate himself in front of the steering wheel.<p>

"I just don't like Mexican food. Do you have any idea how many carbs…"

"Carbs? You're dieting now? No carbs?"

"You know, maybe this wasn't such a good idea", Luke said, annoyed.

"Fine. Then I'll just drop you off at your place and I'll get some take out. You should've gone home after work".

"I already told you, my car is in the shop. It would've taken forever with the public transport, I live across town from work", the younger brother explained.

"Aaaaaand coming to the hospital, waiting for an hour just so I can drop you off seemed like a good time management plan to you?" Kevin chuckled. "And you've gone to MIT while I'm in a community college. "

Luke just looked out the window.

"Fine, let's go for Mexican. I haven't had a stomach ache in a while", Luke said.

"Sooooo…you got her number?"

"Who?" asked Luke.

Kevin rolled his eyes.

"It cannot occur to you that two people of the opposite sex can just talk? Without any other implications?"

"Well, it did occur to me that…she might be one of two people in the world not to fall asleep to your sci-fi talk. I think you should marry her", Kevin laughed.

"First of all, it wasn't sci-fi talk, I was just explaining to her about a chemical reaction between styrene and …"

"See, you've lost me right there", Kevin interrupted him.

"…and second", Luke went on "second, who's the other person?"

"What other person?"

"You said I should marry her because she might be one of the two people…"

"Oh, right."

"See? You do belong in community college".

Kevin gave him a mean look. "The second person would be that Stephen Hawking guy." Sweet revenge.

"I don't have her number", Luke continued the talk, after a few minutes. "And I'm dating someone."

"One date doesn't count as dating. You could just…check out the options."

"Two dates. " Luke corrected his older brother.

"Why do I even bother?"

"Again…I don't have her number."

"You can lurk around the hospital. I'll get you one of those camouflage outfits."

"It's a hospital, Kevin. They'd take me straight to the psyche ward if they catch me circling the place dressed like that."

"Don't tempt me, there's a shop in that neighborhood that sells those things".

"You know, last time I took advice on women from you it didn't turn out that great. Grace almost crushed me in high school. And doesn't she seem more like your type? She kinda reminds me of Lily."

"Annnd we know how that turned out, don't we?. Verbal tennis isn't high on my list of attractions anymore".

Kevin and Lily's relationship had ended after almost three years, in which they both learned a valuable lesson. Not to settle. After Kevin entered college, she found it hard to keep it up with him and his newly found interests. He wanted to be around people his age, go to parties and do stupid things, feel like a normal college kid. He, on the other hand, couldn't really understand her belief and her world, although he respected her determination.

She made him feel like a man around her, desired and still with very much to give, while she felt like putting on dresses for him. Just a few times, though, but he deserved it. He was the only man to ever bring her flowers.

Lily eventually moved to California. Their breakup was extremely sad for Helen, although she knew from the start it wouldn't last. Apart from everything, hardly ever a 21 years old boy chooses a mate for life so early, in this day and age.

"I should've asked for her number", sighted Luke.

"You should've. But I guess you could get another chance".

Luke listened very attentively to his brother.

"My Oxybutynin prescription is running out", Kevin continued.

"So…your plan is to get refills on your prescriptions until I run into her?"

"Preeeetty much."

"It's good you're not on too many pain meds. They would classify you as a seeking addict."


	2. Chapter 2

This is a really long one, but it's mostly dialogue so it can easily be read in about five minutes. I know it's about a whole chapter with original characters, the Girardi brothers don't have very much to do here, but since I wanted someone new for them (and as close to reality as possible) I had to take my time and introduce April, so you can get a hint of what she's like, to justify her actions.

I'm really hoping everyone sees the situations here it as plausible as I do, because I like characters that are real (maybe that's why I was fascinated by Kevin, because he's not perfect, he's got a lot of faults, which makes him close to a real person).

Usual disclaimers apply.

Please read and review. It really takes just a moment.

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><p>"Do you have something for lunch with you or are we going across the street?"<p>

"Yeah, I wanted to make something. But then I had to make launch for Barry, feed Alan, change the pants Alan threw mashed bananas on and then drive him to the babysitter's", Claire replied drily.

"A simple no would've done the trick", said April, as both women were making their way to the diner around the corner.

"So how's the job search going?"

"I really don't want to talk about it. It's been like…two years…three actually, and nothing. I don't get it. I'm just…either really stupid or really unlucky".

Claire looked at her frowning. "You're not stupid and you have a job. And aren't you a bit too old for this teenage drama? Just enjoy what you have now."

"Maybe I should just go back to school, choose a different major. This whole English thing has really not done anything for me", April went on.

"Yeah, do that! Maybe you can start an illicit affair with a 19 year old guy!"

"Yes, because 19 year old guys are dying to get to know a 9 years older woman, who only talks about how much she hates her job."

"Have you tried getting into teaching?" Claire suggested, clearly supportive of her friend.

"Teaching would be as same as journalism for me. Not something I'd want to do long term. Man. I feel just like one of those high school kids who say their job as McDonald's is only for the summer, then bam, twenty years later, they're still cleaning up on aisle 5."

"I have no idea what you meant by that", Claire chuckled.

"When I took this job, I said to myself that it's only going to be temporary, I don't want to be a journalist, I'm only staying until I find something else. I just want to work at a publishing house…working with writers, editing and making notes on stories no one has read before."

"Well, if you want to work with books, I'm sure you can always find a job at a nice library", Claire laughed.

"And be forever known as Miss Reid, the weird old lady with the books? No thanks."

"Oh come on. You'll probably be weird Mrs. Something", the petit blonde mocked.

"Really? Because the way things seem to be working, the Miss thing is the only certainty about my future."

"What's up with you today? Why are you so negative about everything?"

"I'm not", April sighted. "It's just a possibility I have to consider. I hardly ever meet anyone…"

…"you meet a lot of people, you just find faults in anyone!"

…"I haven't had a serious relationship in like…five years", April went on, without caring about her friend's intervention.

"Oh, really? So what was up with Adrian and Sam and…the guy from the…"

"I said 'serious', Claire, not a four week fling."

April, and her moody ways, either considered herself incredibly beautiful, either downright should-never-leave-the-house-ugly. She had a very warm beauty, with dark hazel eyes and brown. long hair. She wasn't stunning, nor plain. Simply attractive and very feminine.

"You've been dating Gary for…what? Two months now?"

"About…five weeks, but he doesn't seem very impressed. I'm just waiting on him to leave me, like the ones before".

"Keep thinking like that, that's a winner. You know, the father figure is very important to a girl growing up. It's how she'll relate to men her whole life".

"Oh, no, don't put on the psychologist mask". April rolled her eyes.

Claire chuckled. "Even if I wanted to understand you, I don't think I would. You've got these bouts of happiness, then the whole thing goes to hell and you're digging your own pit hole".

"Yeah, there are meds for that, right?"

"You're borderline bipolar, you know that?"

"Are we actually making fun of mental disorders? We've already established that I'm emotionally unbalanced and insane, but are you allowed to laugh at these things?"

"I'm a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. I deal with people like you and let the loony cases for doctors. And you know – I sometimes envy you. You are like I was five years ago."

"A moron?" April offered.

"That too. But I was more hinting towards the 'you can do anything, anytime' part. You should enjoy this."

"I keep hearing that, but I think I'm at a point where I want something else. And you can do anything, anytime, too. If you really wanted to."

"I wanted to go out with you guys last night, but I couldn't find a babysitter and Barry was working late."

"Point taken. You didn't miss much."

"What? You mean drinks after work with my co-workers aren't legendary? Right now, I'd just settle on some juicy news department gossip."

"I'm guessing human resources aren't as much fun as us, right?" April asked ironically.

"Fine, don't tell me anything."

"I've got nothing to tell you, we just went out a bit, a lame attempt to know each other better. I was late and couldn't stay long. Nobody said anything worth mentioning. Plus, I was busy staring at a cute guy".

"Oh no."

"I only took a few looks", April said sheepishly. "There's nothing wrong with that. What?"

"I just know you so well and I know how far you imagination has already gone."

"He was really, really, REALLY good looking. Like…blue eyes, gorgeous smile good-looking."

"Fine. I'll take the bait. Did you talk to him?"

"No, staring worked much better for me. I could just…take him home and put him in a glass box so I could just…look at him. Naked." April grinned, blushing a bit.

"You do realize you're the shallowest person I've ever met, right? You know, that's why all your relationships fail, you choose men based on their looks."

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to wake up to a great face in the morning."

"There's more than looks. And even Mr. Great Face has to deal with morning breath", Claire said, in an attempt to bring April back to reality.

"Married people. Always spoiling the romance. Besides, I'm pretty sure I won't see him again, so I'm all good, didn't get excited, wasn't anywhere near the sports department today, hoping to 'accidentally' run into Mark and ask him about the new guy".

"Oh, Mr. Great Face knew Mark?"

"Yeah, at least it seemed that way. I was left with the impression he was new here. And stop it with Mr. Great Face."

"There wasn't any hiring", Claire said, a bit surprised. "I have to evaluate every new addition to the group, see how good he or she would fit in and I haven't been told about anyone new."

April sighted. "Maybe I got the department wrong, although I'm pretty sure he was discussing shifts with Mark and Eric and they're covering sports, so…It was…Kevin…something."

"Um…there are two guys named Kevin working in the sports department. Kevin Anderson is a 50ish bald guy so I don't think it's him, unless you've had a sudden change of tastes, and there's Kevin Girardi who is kinda cute…but…well… "

"What?"

"Um…well, for starters, he's been working here in like…almost three years, even before you came along."

"Oh, then I guess I've seen him. I know a few people from their names, but the rest I'd recognize and I would've remembered if I'd seen the guy from last night before, trust me," grinned April.

"True. And Kevin Girardi is pretty easy to recognize."

"How come?"

But Claire didn't get the chance to respond, as they saw their co-worker, Mark, one of the guys from the sports department, coming in the diner. After getting his take away meal, he turned around to say hello to the two women who were sitting in a booth and then headed to the door, when Claire stopped him, calling his name.

"Hey Mark. I've heard the gang went out last night. Did I miss anything?"

"Oh, yes, the wild party. I had a beer and almost fell asleep in the cab."

"Who else came this time?"Claire asked, while April was shooting her mean looks.

"The usual suspects. And that chick that writes restaurant reviews, the one who barely ever says a word."

"So it was just people from the news department? No 'intruders'?"

"No, why do you ask? You know, if you're looking for an affair, I'm always available", Mark grinned.

"Oh, yes, you stud", Claire responded, dryly. "And from sports it was just…you, Eric and Kevin?"

"It seems April has very well informed you".

"Oh, don't pout, I'm just curios how we'll I've evaluated you three musketeers when you came aboard."

"Yes, Claire, we're all friends because you made us sit at the same desk."

With that, he saluted them again, and went outside.

April was tapping her fingers on the table and didn't look very happy.

"And you're calling me immature", she finally said, after a few minutes of silence.

"Oh, come on", Claire tried to mend it, "I'm already married. The least I can do is relive my single gal days through you."

"Well, pick another friend."

"All my other friends are married."

April looked out the window.

"At least we solved the mystery", Claire said enthusiastically. "Mark, Eric and Kevin Girardi are like the Rat Pack. Or Brat Pack. Or whatever they might call it these days. He would've mentioned if it was the other Kevin."

"So he's been like…a floor apart all this time and I didn't see him? My shallow radar wasn't very tuned lately."

"Um…are you sure you haven't seen him before? He's pretty easy to spot."

"You said that before", April noticed, a bit confused. "What do you mean?"

"April…you didn't notice…anything…um…different about him last night?"

"Like…great sense of style? Nice manners? Oh, crap, he's gay, right?"

"No. I mean…I don't think so, no. I was thinking more of…the sitting part."

"You've lost me."

"Ok. Um…how close to him were you last night?"

"Well, in the…54,2 minutes I've spent at the bar, we were all sitting across a big table, I don't know math, but I'm sure we can calculate the angle, length and depth."

"You do know most men don't like sarcastic girls, right?"Claire observed. "So I guess you didn't notice anything."

"Like…what?"

"I guess Kevin is a …rather nice looking guy…I mean. If you…ignore the…"

"What?"

"Wheelchair", Claire finally blurted out.

"What?" April was stunned."Oh." She bit her lip in disbelief for a second. "Oh".

"I think I shared the elevator with him a while back. I smiled. Now if I think about it was the same guy. I can't believe I didn't really notice him until last night," April broke the silence, after a few minutes of taking in that thought.

"Don't beat yourself about it. It's how people in general react to these kind of thing. We look away, don't notice anything. Sort of like a self preservation thing", explained Claire.

"Yeah. Well, so much for my fantasy", April half smiled. "Why is…I mean…how…why is he..um…the wheelchair…", she stuttered.

"I don't know. I evaluated him, he seemed like an ok guy, but he didn't say anything about it and I didn't know how to ask so…"

Neither of them said anything for a while.

"Do you think you could…do it?" April asked.

"What?"

"Be with…someone…"

"Like Kevin, you mean?" Claire got the message.

"Yeah."

"I don't know. I don't even want to think about. If something would happen to Barry…wow, I can't really go there. I just…don't know. You?"

"No." April turned her head to look out the window. "No."

* * *

><p>"So what's that, double standard?"<p>

"Well…If….someone rejects me, I start thinking what's wrong with me. If a woman rejects you she's too shallow and you probably wouldn't want her anyway."

"Um…truth be told, _this_ isn't the only reason women might pass on a having a fling with me."

"You have to work with me here, Kevin", Luke said, a bit annoyed.

"Hand me the..red…thing", Kevin asked his brother, pointing to a tool box. "No, the one on the left."

"You know, you spend a lot of time working on the boat, one would think you'd have learned the names of the tools by now".

"Naaah, I just go by gut", Kevin grinned.

"You better hope the Coast Guard doesn't go by boat when trying to rescue you."

"Hey, have a little faith in your big brother. Didn't I build Joan a boat with my bare hands?"

"Which no one has ever dare to sail", Luke pointed out.

"That's because I'm preserving it for the Kevin Girardi Hall of Fame."

After finishing the boat, which he mockingly named "St. Joan", Kevin decided to buy his own very functional second hand boat. Although apart from the first repairs that had to be made after he bought it, it really didn't need anything else, but Kevin found that "working on the boat" was a very good stress relief method.

"Would you just call her? What's the worst that could happen? Her saying no?" Kevin encouraged Luke.

"She's…she's….too high maintenance for me."

"Just. ." Kevin was losing his patience. "And no one's too high maintenance for you."

Luke tried to smile, without his brother to see it. They had their moments when they pumped each other with confidence.

"And she's a doctor", Luke went on.

"Medical student", Kevin offered.

Luke took a step back and just watched as his brother was tightening screws. He took a wrench and played a bit with it.

"I don't see you going out much", Luke pointed out, distracted.

"That's because I'm very well adjusted on my own. I actually like Myself. We like the same things, we spend time together…"

"You and Yourself?"

"Yup."

Luke nodded, still playing with the wrench.

"So…with…that girl…what was her name? Liz…it didn't really work out, huh? You know, mom and dad are getting a bit jittery, they're worried about grand kids and all."

Kevin smiled bitterly. "I'm really not interested in women right now."

"Yeah, but..I mean…not women…generally speaking", Luke said, as he put away the wrench "I thought you were interested in her…"

"Luke, I really don't want to get into this, ok?"

"Ok." But Luke felt jealous for a second, knowing that his older brother and sister had their own way to talk about romance, a discussion he mostly felt left out of. "Would you rather have Joan here?"

Kevin gave him a mean look. "I'd rather neither of you be here."

He looked at his younger brother who seemed a bit lost for words and decided not to let the conversation end like that.

"I…made a promise…To myself", Kevin offered.

"What promised?" Luke was definitely paying attention now.

"I think…at least for a while…I'm not gonna try it with women I really like."

"Why not?" Luke was genuinely confused.

"Because it's easier with the ones you don't really care about."

Neither of them spoke for a long time after this. His brother's words made Luke think about all the things he's missing out on out of fear and reminded him of all the things he's missing out of, because of his own insecurities.

With this thought, he left to call Karen, the med student he met a few days ago, and for whose phone number he went through a lot of trouble.


	3. Chapter 3

"April?"

At first, she had though it was romantic; a warm, spring – April, even! – night, her all alone walking a bit before jumping in a cab to get home. Except the pouring rain and her lack of umbrella. About two minutes after she had left the office building, her walk was compromised. She hated those April showers, coming out of nowhere. She unsuccessfully tried to hail for some taxis and spent a good half an hour under a mantle, thinking about going back to work; at least it was dry. But she was too tired and just wanted to get home. So she had decided to walk to the nearest bus station.

Now she could've sworn a car was following her. In the past years, she's written a lot of news stories about women who were kidnapped or….but she was shaking the thoughts away, not letting her paranoid self get the best of her.

"Hey, you want a ride?"

She rolled her eyes and scoffed. Probably some jerk thinking it would be cool to scare a woman on an empty street at almost midnight.

"Hello….April? Can I give you a ride?"

When she finally decided to look at the car, she recognized Kevin as the driver, who had let the car window down and stretched himself all the way to the passenger seat.

She felt relieved and in different circumstances she'd only except a ride after she made sure her place was in the driver's way home, but this time she was too tired, cold, hungry and annoyed at her lack of judgment not to call for a car before she had left work that she instantly said yes.

"Thanks", she offered, after accommodating herself.

"Yeah, sure", Kevin smiled. "I kept yelling after you and for the last 20 feet or so I wasn't even sure that's your name. You didn't even turn around."

"Oh, I…I get pretty lost in thoughts…sometimes. Sorry", April fumbled with words a bit.

"So…where to?"

"Home."

Kevin looked at her smiling. "Yeah, that one I figured. Since you've already showered, I guess you're ready for bed, huh?"

"I really don't like umbrellas", April laughed. "Um…I live on…34 Grayson Street. Do you know where that is?"

"Um…I'm sure we'll figure it out."

She really didn't know what to say and that made her nervous. Here she was, with a co-worker she barely knew, ashamed of her conversation with Claire some weeks ago and feeling guilty because of all the things she had said, things he'll never knew.

April didn't like small talk, either, because it seemed like a never-ending circle. She was always meeting new people, interacting with some she was never going to see again - people she met at events or conferences – or dates. Men with whom she never went further that two or three dates. It seemed very boring. In this particular case, small talk seemed beating around the bush for her because she was extremely curious about finding out more about him, deep things she would've never have the nerve to ask. Like how in the world was he driving, what had happened to him – assuming something had happened – what does he like and what are his pet peeves, what kind of women does he like, how does he deal with dating and how do his lips feel upon hers… That particular thought scared her and went back on her trail of thoughts to somehow try to explain how she got from driving to a kiss.

And still, being so close to him, feeling the whole power of that smile, made her stomach nervous. She tried to tell herself that it was the whole novelty of the situation.

Kevin felt her eyes on him and he very well knew the look. It was the same look hundreds of people have given him before, the look after they found out he could still drive, that he could order meals for himself, that he has a job, date women and have sex. It was the same look that made him take off the push handlers from the back of the chair after dozens of generous souls tried to give him a push without even asking, half the time making him lose balance and fall off the wheelchair. But he's never opened the subject unless really pushed into it; instead, he just silently half smiled and acknowledged it. The same he did with Beth back when they were taking their second shot at dating and some joggers passed them by; judging by the way she looked at them, then back to him, it was probably the moment she had realized he'll never be a jock anymore.

"Oh, wow, I love this song!"

"Red House Painters?" Kevin was surprised. "You've….heard of them?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"Well…it's just…not many people have", Kevin laughed at his presumption. He laughed to himself a bit about that, since he knew a thing or two about assumptions.

"I have. And I like them". April had made a purpose into acting as normal as she could, which of course, made her seem even more nervous and out of place than she really was.

"I like them, too…", he smiled, not really knowing what to say either.

The rode in silence until Kevin pulled next to the sidewalk where she lived, the sound of rain drop accompanying the music from the radio. As he pulled over, April realized she was sorry they reached their destination so soon, but also a bit relieved, because the awkwardness will end.

"Thanks", she said, as she opened the car door.

"No problem", Kevin nodded. "Hey, you want an umbrella?"

"Um…you have an extra one?"

"No…not really. My sister forgot hers in my car and well…she's in New York, so…"

"What about you?"

"Well, unless I'll grow an extra hand by the time I get home, I won't need an umbrella", Kevin explained.

"You'll get soaked. I can't have this."

"Really, I'm…I'm pretty much used to it. And I park really close to the building. Like…extremely close. If I'd be any closer, I'd jump from the car right into someone's kitchen."

April raised her eyebrows.

"….and…I have a poncho…thing", Kevin admitted.

"A poncho?" she tried to suppress a laugh.

"I knew I couldn't trust you with this information. Now I'm going to have to kill you!"

"Well", April said, turning serious, "you can kill me at work tomorrow, since I have to be there…again."

"Ok. Good night."

"Good night", she offered as well, as she got off the car. "And good night to your poncho…thing, too", April said, as she closed the car door.

After she had entered the building, she turned around to watch him drive off. Judging by his looks, if he'd be just a regular guy, she would've been all infatuated with him. She couldn't help not to go through their last exchange in her head, before she went to sleep. It hadn't been that awkward in the end, had it? Her usual scenario after meeting a good looking guy was the crush, followed by learning that he's a major jerk, or really self absorbed or has no musical culture and lacks manners – or, worst a combination of all these – followed by becoming un-crushed so fast that she couldn't even remember the guy's name.

So now she just had to wait a bit to find out in which of those categories Kevin Girardi falls into. Except for the obvious downside of things. A thought that scared her, because that would mean admitting to herself that he has a crush on him. Because she doesn't. At all. And mostly, she doesn't consider herself a good or a bad person. She's just …somewhere in between. But even if she had a crush on him, she really couldn't handle _this._

"Ugh. No!" April said to herself as she got into bed and reached for the music player, turning it on. Unlike other nights, this time she wasn't aimlessly switching between songs. She knew what she wanted to listen to…just had to push forward until she reached the bands under 'R'…


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey, you made it!"

"Yup", April nodded and took a sit next to Kevin, on the big couch. "The band's pretty good, you guys chose this place for the concert?"

"No, not really. It's just a coincidence," he said, smiling.

One of the waiters came and brought Kevin another beer. The two men clearly knew each other.

"So you're a regular here?", April said, after the waiter left.

"Why, because I know his name?"

"Well, either that, or you're high school pals, or something"

"No, nothing like that", Kevin offered. "Yeah, I do come here a lot."

"Oh."

"What?", he giggled. "You surprised? I do have a life…"

"No, it's just…"

"Or…try…Sometimes I'm moonlighting as a rock star here, so I'm just checking the competition", he went on.

"It's just it doesn't really seem like your kind of place…"

He pondered with that thought for a while…"It's not. It's, OK, I guess. But…it's accessible..and the music's cool…"

Her first thought went to money, thinking about the prices and the accessibility of the place from that point of view, but then realized that 'accessible' might have a different meaning for him. Which only meant that she was starting to get used to him, not having his 'problem' as the focus of every thought.

He took a sip of beer and looked around, trying to find inspiration for something to say next.

"So…is it your first time?", Kevin said, with a cough.

"Mmmh? What?"

"…here…"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry", she laughed. "No…well…it is but…long story…"

"Generic conversations with little known co-workers…I knew this night would be a hit!"

"Ok fine, you really want to know?"

"I wouldn't…dare to intrude your privacy!", he laughed.

"No…it's just…"

"What?"

"I barley know you", April was trying to get out of it.

"You…met your boyfriend here…"

"No!", she laughed.

"…and you don't know the place because he's a bouncer and you never really went it".

"That's gross! And I already…"

"…and you're embarrassed because he's…bald…and…weights about…"

They were laughing and talking over each other, very much enjoying the moment.

"You have a sick imagination", April said, very serious.

"Why? You don't like bald men?", Kevin was having fun.

"Ok. If you want to know, I came here about…a few years ago…three or four…and I can't remember anything because…I was…pretty much out of my mind… drunk."

"Oh, and that's why you liked the bouncer!"

"Knock it off, really", April tried to be serious but she couldn't help not to laugh out loud.

They calmed down a bit and neither said anything for a while.

They watched people dancing, their co-workers having fun. Kevin had tried dancing a couple of times, but found it pointless in overcrowded clubs. He found that most people would at least try and be politically correct and never commented out loud, even if they'd shoot him a few looks. And then there were the drunks, tripping over his wheels, accidentally pouring beverages in his lap, the couples who were too into the kiss to watch where they're stepping or the curious, mostly drunken, girls, who would sit in his lap and ask him sex related questions.

So it was pointless, because he felt like a cardboard box in the middle of people, not even being at eye level. And he disliked the designated driver status he had, since he always had to come with his own car which meant alcohol free beer all night.

And while he watched them and glanced at her a bit, he asked himself whether she'd rather be on the dance floor, having fun, than stuck on a couch with him.

"You know..um…", he said after a while, "this place opened like…seven or eight months ago…"

"Fine, so it was three or four weeks ago". She really didn't find a good reason to keep on lying. "I still go out…sometimes…and sometimes I get drunk…Even if I'm no…19…anymore."

"You were 19 four years ago?", he raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

She decided to play a bit. "What? Don't I look 23?"

Kevin didn't know what to say and she could sense he was a bit embarrassed.

"I'm not", she finally laughed. "23, I mean. And I know you know, but it was fun letting you question that for a moment."

"In my greatly, vas experience with women I learned two things", he said.

"Oh, really? What?", April said, playfully.

"Well, one…never, ever imply anything age related. Don't even try guessing a woman's age. If you guess right, she'll be mad that she really shows her age, if you say she's older…well…and if you say she's younger, she'll think…you think she's immature. "

"Ok, I'll give you credit for that. And second?"

"Never, ever try to watch a game with a woman. And I mean ever. I will most definitely not do it for the seventh time!"

"Glad to see a man that's learning from his own mistakes!"

"I didn't know whether to tell you or not…about the club, I mean so…I went with the journalistic impulse," Kevin said after a while.

"That's nice, exposing deep dark secrets. You'd make a fortune working for a gossip magazine."

"My reason to be exactly", he said dryly and took another sip of beer.

Him turning serious got her all exited, planning her next set of questions to find out more about him.

"You…don't like you job or the thought of working to a gossip magazine?", April said, without realizing, in a very flirtatious way, while playing with her hair and slowly leaning forward to pay even more attention to him.

"No, I just…" Kevin started, without finishing his thought.

"Would you like to dance?", a tall, blonde man interrupted them, inviting April to dance, with a large smile.

She didn't know what to answer and stuttered a few times, looking back and forth between Kevin and the man. She would've much rather stay with Kevin and talk, now that they were getting comfortable with each other, but she was caught off-guard.

"I'll…I'm going to get something to drink. You want some?" Kevin intervened, in an attempt to make April's choice easier.

"Um….No…thanks..um…", she stuttered.

He excused himself as she watched him make his way through the crowd, to the bar.

"I'm Charlie", the guy introduced himself, as she took his hand and followed him to the dance floor.

They danced for a while, April answering almost monosyllabically, while Charlie was going on and on and on about what he liked and doesn't like, about how he managed to own a car wash and how successful he is. April was feeling uncomfortable and unsuccessfully tried to stop him for a while. She was desperately looking for someone to save her, but all the guys from work were too lost in their own world. She looked over to the couch she earlier found Kevin on, but now a couple was occupying it, getting all hot and heavy.

"You know, you could thank me by giving me your phone number."

"What?", April asked, being pulled out from her reverie.

"You own me thanks."

"What for?", she smiled, politely.

"Saving you from the guy in the wheelchair", he answered as if it was the only reasonable answer, as if the whole world already knew it.

April was left dumbfounded, staring at the man's face and wondering how she had just thrown away 10 minutes of her life being around him. She also realized how people – normal people, everyday people- see Kevin. She understood that this guy was being so dismissive after only seeing an object and she saw a glimpse of Kevin's life, and how others would judge her place in it.

"I have to go!"

"What?"the guy put his arms around her to stop her from leaving, but was unsuccessful.

"I'm sorry, I have to go."

And with that, she was out


	5. Chapter 5

"Dude, you're making me dizzy!"

A mid autumn, warm, sunny day. The small balcony was open and the drapes were dancing at every wind blow.

Kevin, in some sweat pants and an old T-shirt, was playing video games, comfortably sitting on the couch. He was sipping from a cup of coffee from time to time, looking half asleep. His brother was the exact opposite of that.

"Luke! Could you at least wait until I am awake to make this much noise?"

Luke popped his head into the living room.

"Who sleeps until mid-day?"

"Hey, I did wake up in the morning, I just chose to get back to sleep!"

Luke was being a little too neurotic.

"Ok. How's this?", Luke said proudly presenting his choice of clothes to his brother.

Growing up, Luke had learned that "geeks" ruled the world. Great grades and his extracurricular passions had gotten him into MIT; he could be around almost anybody, since he knew a lot of things on different topics. And if some would classify him as weird, their loss. At least he wasn't working in an IT company. Those guys were weird. He had never been shy; merely eccentric when it came to the whole romance business. In him, there was a constant battle between the heart and the mind that allowed him to acknowledge really fast how he felt for a certain person. Like when he first fell in love, with Grace, he felt all logic leaving him. And when distance made him fell out of love with her, logic kicked in and he kept trying to convince himself why he shouldn't pull the plug on the relationship just yet.

Kevin looked up to his brother, waiting for the verdict. He took a glance, then went back to the video game.

"Don't you think the leather jacket is a bit too much?"

"What? No, it's my cool jacket. I'm like…I'm casual…I didn't spend too much time dressing up, it's not that important, while I still look…you know…dressed up", Luke explained himself.

Kevin glanced at him again, and the pile of clothes on the armchair caught his look.

"So…how's that apartment hunt going?"

"Oh, I didn't really have time for that, but…"

"Dude! It's been two weeks! Any my couch isn't that comfortable. And you've made crumbs all over the pillows."

"I said I'll clean up! Ok, what do you think? Flowers, no flowers?"

"Why don't you just tell mom and dad you got evicted and move back home?", answered Kevin, ignoring Luke's questions.

Luke, who was trying to find his keys and wallet in the pile of clothes, turned to face his brother, really annoyed.

"Um…A. I didn't get evicted, Steve wanted to move in with his girlfriend and that place just wasn't made for three people and B. mom is so desperate to look after someone that if any of the three of us would move back even for like a nanosecond - "

"-nanosecond", Kevin mimicked his brother.

"- she would be all over us. I'm used to not being pampered, I'm not gonna start now."

"Whatever. Just…get out."

"Oh, right, because I guess you're dying to turn this place into the Playboy Mansion again. "

"That is not the point. I want my privacy back! And I could get chicks in here if I wanted to. I'm just at a point in my life where I want to focus on other things than women", Kevin defended himself.

"Yeah, you're right. Playstation and Ben and Jerry's really do necessitate all time and effort."

Luke ran his fingers through his hair a few times, checked his breath, counted his money and went to the door.

Karen made him somewhat nervous and he knew the importance of a first date.

"You know…no one really has a date at 3 PM, on a Saturday", Kevin shouted. "She's just cramming you in her schedule and will probably make you come with her while she goes to the bank or something so she can have her evening free for a real date."

"Remember to steer left, not right in front of the Empire State Building or you're gonna crash the car", Luke offered, before he slammed the door and left.

Kevin sipped from his coffee and concentrated on the game, shifting his weight a bit. His car got in fron of the Empire State Building and he made a point to veer right. The car he was racing went out of control and crashed, and the game stopped.

He put the remote control down and noticed some crumbs beneath one of the pillows and pondered whether to clean the place or not.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N. I'm having a lot of fun with this story, I love writing it and, well, I love it! I'm just hoping there is at least one person in the fandom who gets a bit of pleasure out of this. Please read & review. This chapter is all about Luke.

* * *

><p>"Mm….I could live off ice cream!"<p>

Luke's nervousness had completely evaporated after the first few minutes of their date. Karen was smiling all the time, seemed to be enjoying herself and had something that made him feel at ease.

"You know, they say the majority of hedonists are men, especially aged between 18 and 35, since they're the ones constantly seeking pleasure, but the statistics are all wrong because the same questionnaire was applied to both men and woman. When it's clear as crystal that women seek more pleasure than men, just not in the same…direction", said Luke.

Karen licked her ice cream again and gave him a playful look.

"Oh, really? And what kind of pleasure are women seeking?"

"Well, I have a very interesting theory here. Women are mostly interested in abstract things, such as not experiencing pleasure in all its glory, but through something else. Like…shoes…or…ice cream".

"And men?", she provoked him, knowing full well where the conversation was going.

"Um…The…I'm not saying I agree with these, but…statistically speaking, men seek mostly…the physical type of pleasure. Of course, I'm not the right person to discuss such matters, because I'm more an adept of Stuart Mill's philosophy about how intellectual pleasure last longer and are more intense than physical ones."

"So you think women don't go strictly for physical pleasure?", Karen grinned, as she eyed a garbage bin and threw what was left of her ice cream.

"No, I didn't say that, because yes, we live in a day and age where women…", Luke was starting to get nervous, thinking how his little speech from earlier could've been interpreted. He was too busy making arguments again and finding the proper words, that he missed her mischievous look that meant she was just messing around with him.

"No, you didn't, but statistically speaking…", she trailed off.

They had been walking through the park for an hour or so and Luke was having a hard time thinking what to do with his hands. Conversations like these helped him, because it had allowed him to gesture, keeping his hands busy.

"Are you…testing me?"

Karen chuckled and took his arm, a gesture that made Luke flinch at first, but made him feel more confident after a few seconds.

"Aren't you a bit too old to ask that? And aren't we a bit too old to play games like that?", she asked, smiling and wiping her full lips with a Kleenex.

Luke, on the other hand, fudged with words a bit, before deciding to be frank. He did enjoy the rituals of dating although it bored him sometimes and just wished he'd jump right in the middle of a relationship. He wasn't shy in any ways, quite the contrary, but the first few dates were always too predictable for his taste.

"Did you ask me on a day-date so you can save up your evening for someone else more interesting?", Luke finally blurted, looking Karen in the eyes.

She threw him her most arrogant smile and didn't say anything.

"…You know…since we're too old to be playing games", he continued.

"So you think because it's daytime and we're out walking in the park instead of yelling at each other at an hour more close to midnight, in a pub where the music's too loud, I'm not really interested in you?"

"That theory has been discussed, yes", said Luke, somewhat sheepishly.

"It has? By whom? Oh, let me guess. You and that brother of yours, who thinks he knows sooo much about women", she teased him.

"In all fairness, there's a huge gap between what Kevin thinks and how things really are, but he had never claimed to know anything more than the average male about women, after the end of high school, that is. And I also think he's getting too much credit for this whole thing."

"What?", Karen asked, genuinely confused.

Luke rolled his eyes a bit and started confessing everything.

"Yes, we sort of…taken into consideration the statistical probability of this not being a…date."

"You're going all statistical on my again? Because two minutes ago your other theory went so well!"

He didn't really know what to answer, so they both resorted to walking in silence for a few moments. At this point, Luke was starting to be sure that he will never, ever, for as long as he'd live, even remotely listen to Kevin, while Karen was starting to feel anxious, thinking that maybe Luke's not as into her as she had thought, being too blunt and all. She decided it was too early for those kind of thoughts and she didn't want him to see just how much she wanted him to ask her out.

"So…", she decided to break the ice, "you and your brother are pretty close, huh?", Karen asked.

"Um…" Luke took some time to think, not really knowing the answer straight away, "I…have had some troubles lately and I've been staying at his place. He keeps kidding around that he'll change the locks if I don't leave soon and that the place is too crowded with me being there, but I know he doesn't mean any of this."

"That's…a nice way of not answering". Karen smiled, like she understood his hesitation. "I think you guys are getting along just great together".

"Really? You've noticed that after just one interaction at the hospital and what I assume was a very fruitful psyche rotation?" Luke mocked her.

"Um…yes, yes and…my own experience with siblings."

"Oh, you have a brother?"

Karen hesitated a bit, before answering. "No, I have a sister. Fraternal twin, actually."

"You have a twin sister?", Luke asked, mischievously, which made Karen laugh at loud.

"Press 'hold' on your fantasies, we haven't really spoken to each other since we were 17." She stopped at that, but soon realized that Luke wanted her to elaborate, so she decided to offer him the whole story. "We are…very different and other than DNA, that's not really anything that we have in common. Well, she did go and became a psychologist and we're both into jazz music, but that's about it. It's not that we dislike each other; we just never found a lot to talk about. I think part of it is because we're highly competitive and being twins, we've always wanted to get the bulk of attention from our parents individually, which practically meant competing against each other. We would call a few times a year and send holiday cards. We're more like a divorced couple that remained in good relations than sisters. It's funny, because twins were supposed to feel that special connection, while I hardly felt I had a sister. We're just very…very different people."

"Wow. Compared to that, Kevin and I are best buddies."

"And you're not?", Karen laughed.

"Appearances can be a tricky thing. It's…rather complicated."

Karen thought a bit before whether to ask or not, but decided to give it a go. "Because of his…injury?"

Luke sighted, not really knowing how to define his relationship with his brother.

"Um…no…and yes. It's just…"

"…complicated?" Karen offered, smiling.

Luke wanted to take the easy way out. "I wouldn't want to bore you".

"Oh, don't worry. I expect a very highly entertaining evening, so bore me away", she said, smirking, which made Luke stop and stare at her for a second.

"So you do have another date tonight!", he snapped.

"Don't change the subject!"

"I wasn't, you changed it with your whole talk about siblings!"

"Fine, don't tell me."

Luke took a moment to think and came to the conclusion that it's just their first date and no one said anything about being exclusive so that was no point in probing her. Although the 'later date' was all that he could think about and he was in no mood of talking about Kevin.

"It's just…we were never friends or anything like that", he finally started. "I mean…I guess you could say we are now…sort of…I don't know…but growing up things were different. Do women actually appreciate this kind of talk?"

Karen was a bit baffled. "Are you…suffering from some sort of Autism spectrum disease? That's what people do after they meet, try to find out more about each other, not really discussing theories or such!"

They've spotted a bench and decided to sit down a bit. Luke was starting to feel how much more comfortable he would've been in a café, where he could at least try and make smart conversation about how caffeine attacks the central nervous system, but then remembered that she was studying to become a doctor, so she already knew this. And probably all of the things he knew he could use as a way to show her how smart he is. Except physics. But he knew from experience that the women who he'd introduced to the basics of physics and why he found it so interesting were the ones who'd never return his calls.

"Kevin and Joan, my sister, had always that sort of relationship that made them good brothers. To each other, I mean. She idolized him growing up. I guess it was very cool for her to have a father figure such as our dad and a big brother that she knew she could always count on. I mean, having two men to look up to while growing up spared her of the usual neurosis women go through, you know, like being needy, or dependant or letting men use her for one thing or another. She's…well, now she's almost living with this guy, an architect, they've been dating for about two years, and he treats her like she's the only woman in the world."

"Wow! My father died when I was 11, my mom practically raised us by herself. She was a nurse, so we kinda took care of ourselves, since she was working shifts. I didn't get much of the father figure…", Karen shared a little piece of her childhood.

"That's pretty hard…"

"Yeah, it was…sometimes…and sometimes it wasn't. Are you and your sister close?"

"Yeah, we are. She's a year older and we used to have the same circle of friends…We did get along great, you know, apart from the usual fraternal banter, we're really great now…"

"But?" Karen offered, as she had felt that was, indeed, a 'but' somewhere.

"Sometimes, it felt like they – Joan and Kevin, I mean – had this little club of theirs and I couldn't become a member no matter what. He was…You know all the stereotypes, about jocks?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that was Kevin. He was in the baseball team, the football team and he played basketball and ran track. And pretty much everyone was on Kevin team."

"Except….except….you?"

"Sort of. I don't know. He was so full of himself and everyone – everyone we knew, the entire school, mom, dad, Joan even – was worshipping him so it was pretty hard not to compare myself to him. I mean, by the time he was 16, he'd already had like dozens of girlfriends!"

Karen chuckled. "So it's about women?"

"What? No", Luke said sincerely. "I had like…three girlfriends at the same time when I was 12."

"Really?", Karen said, not really surprised, though.

"Yeah", said Luke, tilting his head down. "Chemistry, Maths and Physics!"

The young woman burst into laughter, as Luke offered her a broad, lovely smile, very pleased by his own little joke.

"Yeah, I was trying very hard not to let them know I cheated." He took a few breaths and then went on. "Kevin was always…in the middle of attention, he was always getting invitations to parties and I knew he'd took Joan to a few, without our parents knowing, of course. And she was occasionally sitting with his group at lunch time, which, in junior year, made her very popular among the flock."

"Were you jealous of the amount of attention he was getting?"

"If I take an honest look back, I'm inclined to say yes. But what I've always, always hated was the fact that he could get away with everything. I mean everything. He used to mock me much, much worse than Joan, and he kept going on and on and on about how I should take my head out of the books and play sports, because that's the only way to be ''cool", whatever the hell that means…and he was constantly teasing me and pushing me….and no matter how hard I'd try, how good I'd be at anything, I would never be him. It just made me…wish for him not to exist".

"That's…a pretty unequivocal statement. But…you were kids. And kids are mean by default. I didn't belong to any group in high school but I still have some unresolved issues from that time. Him doing that to you or you thinking bad things about him doesn't make any of you bad people. It's a classic case of peer pressure", Karen analyzed the situation clearly.

"You should've really gone into psyche, you know? And…actually I've thought worse things about him. Like…things I'm ashamed to remember thinking. And the thing is, he had never done anything remotely insulting in public. I mean, out of the comfort of Chez Girardi. At school, people knew not to pick on me if he was around or if it was a possibility that he could find out. He once made some guys take care of the towels of the entire football team for weeks after they tried to lock me in the bathroom".

Luke took a deep breath and looked at Karen sitting next to him. His eyes fell on her full lips and he had to try very hard to stop himself for kissing her. It was too soon and he didn't want to freak her out.

"That doesn't sound like a very bad older brother", said Karen.

"Well, Kevin's God-like status came mostly from the people around him. I've always felt the pressure of not rising to the expectations, since he set the bar too high. And he was always everyone's favorite. Joan got spared because she was the only girl in the family so she got most of the attention she needed."

"Aren't you a bit too old to keep grudges after teen dramas?"

"It's not that…I was just telling all that…trying to make a parallel to present times, I guess."

"Oh, so you're not just going through childhood angst again?", she teased Luke.

Luke smiled. "In a way, I think I'm trying to find excuses for myself."

"Excuses for what?"

"For…I just feel guilty. I….In a way, I guess I'm more pleased with the current scenario, that has brought me a brother…a friend. And I feel bad for thinking this way and I know that I'm selfish and that it would've been better for Kevin…and mom…and dad and Joan…to be this huge Yankees star and be horribly wealthy and still think of me as being his younger, geeky brother he only speaks to at Christmas."

"Oh", Karen said, looking down. "I don't think you should beat yourself up with this too much. You're feelings are very…very human and they only show how much you like having your brother in your life. And the most important thing is that this is how things are and no matter what you think, you can't change reality."

"I once told him I was happy when I found out that he would never walk again", Luke finally blurted, than shook his head in shock and denial. "Wow, I can't believe I just told you that! I've never told anyone how I felt back then, let alone that Kevin had been informed about it."

"Yeah, that's bad!"

Luke let out a nervous laugh. "What? You don't have anything to say to that? You've just excused both our behavior a few minutes ago!"

"Well…I guess that's pretty inexcusable", Karen said, a bit bewildered.

"Great. Now you think I'm a horrible person, right?"

"What? No! What does one have to do with the other? It could only prove that you're temperamental and you blurt out things without your brain processing them first. Which, for such a big brainiac as yourself, that's a big no no."

"Huh. Never thought about it that way."

"Luke, everyone thinks bad things about other people. I remember there were times in high school I wanted to kill my sister or tell my best friend who I loved that she's a big…well…let's just say she had slept with waaaay too many guys by the time she was 16! But usually, people have the common sense to just keep things to themselves."

"Well, so much for a casual conversation", said Luke, not very cheerful.

"Are you kidding? I think this was the most prolific first date I've been to! Usually it takes longer to get a clear picture of a guy's personality."

Luke filtered everything she said and got the one word he was interested to hear.

"So…this was a date?"

She gave him a big, affectionate smile, after which she kissed him softly on the cheek.

"I have to go. But I'd like to hear from you again", she said, as she got up and started leaving.

Luke was left a bit dumbfounded, but managed to get the question out before she was too far. "So why didn't you want to go out like normal people, in the evening?"

Karen turned and very flirtatiously said, "I have a shift tonight, I have to be at the hospital at 8. Thanks for the ice cream!"


	7. Chapter 7

**A.N.** Sorry I deleted a chapter, I've decided to only post in chronological order, to make the story more clear, no matter what order I'm writing in.

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><p>„Oh, look, new recruits", Mark said, as Claire and April came down to have lunch with them, on the balcony. "What are you doing here?"<p>

"I'm poor so no more ordering food out", Claire answered.

"What? Hubby took all the money and left you?" Mark went on. He and Claire were almost always at war, which to their co-workers, was translated into sexual tension. However, over the time they had one-too many arguments which didn't make one too popular in the eyes of the other. They could barely tolerate each other, which was very fun for those around them.

Claire decided to be the bigger person here and just ignore his snide comments. Instead of answering Mark, she decided to turn the conversation towards Kevin. "Hey, Kev, I've read your review of the last baseball season. How much did it take you to write it? I mean…it couldn't have been easy, comparing what happened this year to how championships were decades ago".

"A..About two hours or so, with proofreading and all", he answered, after doing a bit of mental math.

"You're like a baseball encyclopedia! How come you know so much? I mean, you could just Google stuff from the past now, you don't really have to know everything...I think...right?", Claire asked honestly.

"Um...I don't really know that much...I just...I grew up with this and all these info sort of stuck, I guess. With stuff in the distant past...I used to collect cards with baseball players and there was a lot of trivia on the back of those things", answered Kevin trying to make them believe that it really wasn't a big accomplishment.

„Also, the fact that you've played baseball for 13 years might've helped a bit" Mark chimed in, which made Kevin shoot him a pretty mean look.

Claire was a bit taken aback by this, more because it showed her how little she knows about the people she has been working with for years. And, even though she thought that people are allowed to have their privacy, she as curious and she loved knowing as much as she could about anyone. Their interactions over the years have been pretty light, just a few here and there conversations about work and movies. Both Kevin and Claire were on the same circle of friends from work; maybe not exactly friends, more like people who like each other enough so they can stand a few drink after work at the nearest bar. However, rarely did it happen that the two would go out with everyone else at the same time, which didn't allow Claire to know too much about him.

„13 years? Wow, you're a sports freak!" she said as she threw her head back, eyes wide open.

April wanted so much to just jump right in the conversation and start with her questions, but fought with herself thinking that would just make her sound borderline obsessive. And she'd rather keep her distant air than people qualify her as too nosy. "_So something had happened to him_", she thought to herself as she watched him shifting in his chair. So she just kept her fingers crossed and hoped that Claire was just the right amount of nosy to ask the right questions.

Kevin felt a bit exposed by Mark's statement. It wasn't that he didn't want people to know about his incredibly athletic former self, he just didn't like the look in their eyes. He could practically hear them thinking „so...you could've been a professional baseball player if you hadn't taken that ride, huh?" He no longer divided his life in „before and after the accident", he saw it all as a whole and like his father had said, the Kevin-now is what that little boy obsessed with sports had become.

„13 years isn't that much! I started with the little league, when I was 6, so it only got interesting long after that", Kevin dismissed his background, making it sound like it wasn't that much of a big deal, although playing sports was the most important thing for him, growing up.

„Um...13 years is a lot for focusing on same thing. I can't even follow through with a blog I keep wanting to have for the last...five years or so. And that's like...sitting on my ass, writing about what I'm interested in for 10 minutes a day!"

'That's because you're lazy!', Mark offered, smiling with contempt, which made Claire hit him in the arm.

„Jerk!" Claire had put on a few pounds after she had the baby and felt very self conscious. Whenever someone would say anything about her looks, eating habits or laziness, which made her quit going to the gym, she felt all nervous and uncomfortable.

Kevin grinned and took a bite of his sandwich, while watching them being playful. His eyes met April's, who was sitting on a small bench close to the door of the balcony. She smiled to him and starting feeling all nervous; the good kind of nervousness, the one you want to keep feeling. She knew she had two choices now: either break eye contact fast, or say something. She decided to go with the latter. The words were a bit too stubborn at first, so she stammered before she was able to get a whole sentence out. She felt ridiculous. Here she was, a social butterfly, an extrovert who had no problem flirting with just about anyone but still froze every time she was around him. She had no idea why and thought it might be because he was a very good looking guy in a situation completely new to her. Yes, that was it; the novelty of this whole thing. Still, she had to remind herself from time to time that when she first shook his hand, in that small bar right down the street, after she was getting back from a disastrous first date, she felt her knees going all soft.

"I like your shirt!", April blurted out; she kept staring at him for too long so she had to come up with something that would excuse that. So she would just lie and make him believe that all this time she was mesmerized by his shirt, a pale blue, plain shirt, that had absolutely nothing worth a stare.

Kevin looked down on his shirt and let out a confused thanks. Claire looked at her friend, with raised eyebrows.

"I've never played any sports", April said out of the blue, again, which made Kevin wonder whether she had smoked something else than cigarettes. He'd seen her with a pack of cigarettes, from time to time. "I mean…I go to the gym and have been going for…for almost ten years now, I guess, but I've never really played anything."

"Really? Not even in school?" Kevin asked, surprised.

"No, I always hated gum classes in school."

"You should definitely try sometimes. I mean…besides the exercise, there's…competition…and winning…and…did I mention winning?" Kevin explained with a chuckle.

"Yeah, all those testosterone filled activities. I'll pass, thanks", April answered.

"Well, not everyone is a sports freak like you", Claire tried to save April.

Kevin felt like giving up. "I am not a sports freak!", he let out, rolling his eyes.

"You go to the gym about three or four times a week, you play basketball and all you talk about during winter is how each year you're taking three weeks off to go skiing", Mark let out. "Dude, you're a sports freak."

After a few more moments of banter, Kevin and Claire had to go back to work. April really wasn't going to go back anytime soon so she locked up all her common sense and started doing some investigations of her own. She wasn't comfortable enough with Kevin to ask him things and since he was never mentioning his chair or what got him there, she wasn't really sure how he would react to all the questions she had in her mind. So, deciding that her nervousness around him was all because of her unanswered questions, she decided she had the perfect candidate in front of her: Mark.

So, as she slowly moved the focus of their conversation from sports to Kevin, she managed to politely ask Mark everything she had wanted to know about the object of her interest. She made sure he would think that she wants to know so much about Kevin because of sheer curiosity and not because – if she was being truthful with herself – she was attracted to him. And as she found out about his accident, about the sports scholarship he'd lost, about the things he had told Mark he has to do to stay in shape – like walking with braces and using a Functional Electrical Stimulation Bike so that he would work the muscles in his legs, things Mark knew because some while ago he had asked Kevin how come his legs looks almost normal and how come he could even move them from time to time, albeit very little - April realized that her infatuation didn't come from curiosity and that in fact she was genuinely attracted to him, a guy from work she barely knew.

If the situation were to be different, she would've been all happy about it; she would've even started making plans so that they could run into each other more, but all this scared her more than anything else.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N.** Again, thanks for the comments. It feels good to have someone else read this story. Although this chapter has bits of Joan after high school, it's all about Kevin and April from now on, which is where I wanted to take this story. Luke had a larger part in the beginning because I didn't want to just use him whenever the Kevin in the story needed. I have to say that April is the first original character I've ever came up with and I'm very, very hung up on this story. Also, thank you for reading, since I know it's pretty hard to read fanfiction with an original character. It just felt so wrong to let Kevin stay with a woman about 8 years older than him and have no college education. And since I love everyday, normal stories, I truly feel this could happen in real life and these would be the challenges Kevin would have to read.

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><p>Kevin wheeled himself across the room, holding a plate of food on his lap. He stopped to look around, deciding which table to go to. It was The Globe's early anniversary, an occasion for which the management threw a big party for the staff at a glamorous restaurant just outside the city. Almost everyone from the paper was there, except some very poor souls who still had work to do. In this day and age, journalists worked in shifts so that not even a small piece of news is lost, which would mean giving the competition a huge advance.<p>

After checking the territory a bit, he spotted April sitting alone at a table, reading a magazine and playing with a T-spoon and something that look like a delicious piece of dessert. In the past year that they've known each other, they've had rather few interactions, but all that started to change that past summer. April, being single, except a few dates here and there, or some weeks-long relationships, was the only one who answered all the invitations for going out. She's been acquainted with his small, rather junk-yard material boat, where he's had a couple of parties and she was feeling comfortable and natural around him. Lately, he had started feeling something more than friendship for her so he made a point in not being really alone with her, always having a buffer, someone else there too, so that he wouldn't let things go too far. The truth is, outside of his mask that oozed self confidence, he was still afraid of falling in love, he was still vulnerable and he knew that couldn't really change; as good as he felt about himself, one tiny word and his world could fall to pieces. He would much rather prefer meeting someone who seemed rather interesting and then falling in love, in the warmth and coziness of a relationship. Also, he much rather liked the scenario in which a woman would approach him and tell him that she's fallen head over heels in love with him, which would give him a green light to pursue her, without being afraid she might break his heart. However, that only happened in his imagination. Pinning for someone – especially someone from work – wasn't really his idea of fun.

He pondered a bit whether to sit next to April or not; deciding he's being foolish and that there's no harm in talking to someone he likes talking to and who he finds attractive, he took a big breath and headed towards her.

"Hi", said Kevin, pulling one of the chairs from the table aside and making himself room next to her.

"Oh, hi", she answered smiling softly, pulled out of her reverie.

"'10 Easy Ways to Tell Him Goodbye?'", Kevin read the title of the article she was reading, as he raised his eyebrows, surprised.

April chuckled and closed the magazine. "Yeah, women's magazines; I wonder whether they're written for those with an IQ of under 90 or by them. I was bored; this was the only thing around. It's last month's issue, I think." She held the magazine up so that Kevin could see the date. "See? September."

"Fine, you're off the hook this time", he said jokingly, while getting a big bite of his tuna salad.

"I'm surprised to see you here", April spoke after a brief moment of silence.

"Why? You thought I'd be working?"

"Um...no…I meant…here", she emphasized the word 'here', to make it clear that she was referring to the restaurant. "Knowing you, I'd thought you'd be out with everyone at the pool. You know, they have this…spa center, with a covered pool and all."

"Yeah…I didn't bring a swim suit", Kevin said with a sigh.

"You didn't know there was going to be a pool?"

"I did…I just…why aren't you at the pool?", he said as he tried to divert the conversation.

"I didn't know there was going to be one", April answered sheepishly, half smiling. Another brief moment of silence made April realized that she might've made a mistake assuming he could swim. She was very used to him now and except for the extra time it took him to do things, like getting in and out of the car, the thought that there was something else besides walking that he couldn't do was beyond her grasp. "I'm sorry, I didn't…um….", she stammered.

"What?"Kevin asked, not really knowing what she was referring to.

"About the…the whole swimming thing…I just assumed…I mean….I don't want to assume anything…" she said as her face turned serious.

Kevin chuckled and looked down before answering, trying to show her that it wasn't a big deal. "April, relax. I do swim…it's just….I'm not planning on doing it in front of people I work with. And it's ok, you can ask me stuff. Actually, I'd rather you asked me stuff than make assumptions", Kevin answered as he put down his fork and looked her straight in the eyes.

She saw his words as an invitation to go ahead and ask him more questions, but she was a bit frightened by his possible answers. She has spent the summer researching things about his condition and the only thing that was unanimously stated on every website she's visited was that no two spinal cord injuries were identical, even if the level was the same. She had so many questions for him, especially the one that was in everyone's thoughts after meeting him – could he still have sex? She knew some could, but what about him? – but she had no idea how to bring up the subject and the fact that they were working together made things even worse. However, all her research has done for her was made her understand the implications of his injury. How could she be so naïve to think, at first, that only his legs are affected, when the phrase 'from the waist down' pretty much says everything itself?

But instead of going ahead with her questions, April stopped there and offered him a piece of her dessert, which he declined, saying that he had to watch his diet.

"You're kidding! You're actually on a diet?" she laughed in disbelief.

"Nooo, I didn't say I am dieting, just that I have to watch my diet…I don't want to be all…puffy".

"You're like…the furthest guy from being puffy that I know. I mean…you're….you're ripped!" April gestured at his chest, trying to state the obvious. "You're looking really buff; I don't think you have anything to worry about!"

She was saying all this very casually, but Kevin was a bit taken aback by all this. It didn't happen very often that a woman would loudly compliment his body.

"Um…thanks…I guess. Most of it comes from wheeling all day long...so…". Probably the only advantage being in a wheelchair had was the fact that having to push one every day gave paraplegics a very fit upper body, with above average developed muscular tone. That, plus exercising so that he wouldn't have any problem pushing his weight, made Kevin look more than fine.

"Yeah, well", April went on, while taking another bite of the dessert Kevin had refused, "I think you've got the most perfect body I've seen. I hate guys who spend way too much time at the gym and look like they've just gotten out of a cheap romance novel, but I do like men with work out. Trust me, you're all good. Just make sure you're not overdoing it. If you'll stay like that, you're all good. I mean…for my taste, anyway", she offered.

_Perfect._ He was starting to think that something happening between them wasn't such a bad idea. She seemed ok with his body and didn't really seem to care about the chair. All sort of thoughts were racing in his mind, giving him hope that pursuing her wouldn't be so crazy after all.

He really didn't know how to answer her compliments, so he made an effort to excuse himself for not having dessert, blaming it all on his sister.

"Well, truth is, my sister Joan is coming home next week and usually we bond in front of a very bad movie, with huge bowls of popcorn and ice cream, so I'm saving it all up for her."

"Oh, really? She's visiting? Then I should probably bring you back your umbrella…or her umbrella…"April said as she put a reminder alert on her phone.

"What umbrella?" Kevin had already forgotten about a year ago he had saved her from the rain and she ended up taking home Joan's umbrella. "Oh! That…yeah, you can keep that, she probably had bought another one by now anyway…."

"Are you sure? Because I don't mind…"

"Yeah, it's ok…" he interrupted her.

"So that's what? Your little ritual with your sister? Bonding over food?"

"Are you kidding? I think I had put on 20 pounds a few years ago because of her. Do you know how hard it was to get rid of those?" Kevin was trying to present the fact very seriously, but he himself found the situation very funny so he couldn't suppress a laugh. "I moved out of my parent's when she was in her last year or high school. After that, she took a year off before going to college, had this huge…thing where she was trying to figure out her purpose in life…and what to do next…"

"Did she find it?" April was very entertained by his story.

"I think, even at college, she sort of…switched majors a few couple hundreds of times before finally setting her mind. So anyway…After high school, with most of her friends gone out to college, she used to take this really small, stupid jobs, and had lots of fights with mom so she found sanctuary in my apartment. She was the only one from the family I gave a key to, at first, and she was just…coming in…and leaving whenever she pleased", Kevin shook his head, smiling at the memory.

"You didn't mind that? Her dropping in like that?"

"Nah. I knew it was sort of a place to escape from the world for her, before growing up. We used to be so lame! I mean I've spend lots of Saturday nights watching some really stupid show with her, but we didn't really care, you know? We thought we were having fun and we were."

"Wow…that's…wow. She seems very nice."

"Actually, she's a lot like you, in some ways", Kevin said, very honestly.

April didn't know what to say to that one. Was it a compliment? It was clear that he was close to his sister, but did that mean he was seeing her as his sister? Just…one of his buddies?

"Do you have brothers?" he went on.

"Um…"April looked down, her mood changing all of the sudden. "No…Um…I don't".

Their conversation was interrupted by the announcement that everyone should prepare to leave, as the party was coming to an end. April didn't really budge, as she explained to Kevin that Claire was her ride, since her husband was coming down to get her, but she was still stuck in a meeting with some of the people from management. Being the head of the HR department, the party turned into three and a half hours discussing firing strategy and other boring things with those who ran the paper. Since the economy wasn't as it used to be, some people had to be fired.

"I could give you a ride if you want to cut waiting short."

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><p>Ever since they had left the party, April has been pensive. Kevin couldn't stop talking about his family – he's told her funny stories and with every word he's said, the bond between the Girardis became clearer and clearer. It was just the sort of thing she never came to know. Adding all that up with the fact that two guys in the past month have taken her out, only to stop calling her after only a date or two, didn't make her feel too joyous.<p>

"So, you know…the apartment was a dump. Like…there was mould in the bathroom and the kitchen, and the plumbing was a mess itself. So Joan and….and this … this woman I was seeing at the time, Lily, decided to surprise me for my birthday that year…"

"When's your birthday?"

Kevin looked at April briefly, not wanting to take his eyes off the road too much, especially that he was already distracted by the story he was telling. "February 5th. Anyway…so they thought that trying to paint the walls of the apartment would've been a much better gift than actually buying me something. So I come home after work and Joan was all 'Oh, since it's your birthday, we've decided to take you out for a change'…you know…like...trying to go out of her way to make me get out of the house. I mean...she wouldn't even let me get pass the hallway. I knew she was up to something, she was being a whole lot more neurotic than usual."

"What did they do?"

"They painted the entire living room pink. They sort of mixed the colors at the store and came home, scratched the old paint from the walls and by the time they realized the color, the store was already closed and the walls looked like after World War II. They decided pink was better than a bombed look and they were planning on taking me out so that they could tell me all that easily."

April pondered everything he's told her, as she watched the city lights, quietly.

"Must be nice", she finally spoke.

"What?"

"Having a big family, so many people to care about you…"

"Yeah, it is nice, but you do feel like you'd like to kill them from time to time", Kevin joked.

He turned and watched her for a second, trying to also keep his eyes on the road.

"Are you ok?"

April reacted like she had just been awakened from a dream. "What? Yeah, why?"

"You're awfully quiet…And you're the one who usually goes on…and on…and on", he made an attempt at joking.

April chuckled, but more on the surface. "It's just…"she was trying hard not to make a big deal out of it.

"Is it…something that happened today?"

"Oh, no…no…It's just that…I've never really…had a family…in the traditional sort of way", she said, as she gave him the saddest smile.

"I'm sorry", Kevin said, not really knowing anything else he could say or do.

"No, I've never really missed it… I mean...how can you miss something you've never had right?", she lied to him, a lie she had to tell herself all the time.

Kevin tried to keep himself focused on the road, but he was a lot more interested in what was going on with her. "How was growing up for you?"

April chuckled nervously, not really sure she should pour her heart out to him. She figured he already had a lot on his plate, she just didn't feel like complaining to him, giving him a glimpse of her messed out life.

"I mean…I don't want to pry or anything", Kevin went on, since she wasn't saying anything.

April decided to give it a go. Hell, it was pretty obvious she came with her own set of baggage, she could at least admit it.

"No….I…you're not prying….It's just that…My mother died when I was 11 in a car accident…and…my dad sort of…took it out on me…he just…shut me out completely. I guess he saw too much of her in me and…about three years later he remarried a woman who already had two kids…and they had a kid together…so I got shoved somewhere in the background. I didn't really care at first, you know, thinking that I didn't need them, I loved the independence. My friends were getting grounded for drinking in high school or staying up way past curfew…I got the silent treatment and less pocket money, but never an interdiction. I have a baby brother, but he was two when I moved out; we never talk now. After a while, seeing everyone so close with their parents…getting presents at birthdays and having a place to go during the holidays…sort of made me feel…something. I've always wanted to belong, I just didn't know how, I was sort of desperate after my father's attention, but he just didn't care…or didn't seem to care. Usually, I'd get a postcard or a phone call from him, but this year, he didn't even bother to wish me a 'Happy birthday'. It's like I stopped existing for them…it's like…now they feel relieved that enough time has passed by so that they're no longer obligated to make me feel like I'm a part of some family…and I don't know why that happened, I don't know what I've done…and I don't know…what's wrong with me that it just makes people…leave me…And I feel like…it's the same with men. They just…don't want me. And I don't know why…I'm not a bad person…I know I come across as neurotic, sometimes, and I'm a bit too much to handle…but…"

She was trying hard not to start sobbing, and she kept wiping her tears from the corner of her eyes so that he wouldn't see them racing on her cheeks. By this time, Kevin had pulled over, realizing how serious this whole thing was for her.

"April", Kevin said, after a while, very firmly. "I think you're an extraordinary person; I think you're beautiful and amazing and smart and… a bit loony", he went on, trying to light up the mood. "And if someone can't see that, it's their loss. I'm sorry about your mom…but I think you did just fine, just on your own. And that's something everyone should admire."

April looked at him, equally surprised as him by what he had just said. Those were the most sincere and wonderful words she had ever heard from a man. Out of all the things, that wasn't really expected. She thought she'll get a bit of comfort, a few jokes about what a real mess it is, having a big family. Instead, he managed to really touch her and for just a moment, she felt good about herself, by believing him. Maybe he was right; maybe it was their loss. She started thinking that maybe she did get to be 27 without actually meeting the right people for her. He was the first man to actually make her feel confident, even if that was for just a few moments.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N.** Really. Any comments on this story are more than welcomed, so I'll just thank you guys again. It's nice to know you are there and took the time to drop a line. As of now, I'm proud to say that this is almost done. Except for the last two chapters, but the story is supposed to have about 16 or 17 of them, so I'll keep uploading pretty regular. Enjoy.

Again, feedback much appreciated. And sorry for the mistakes, I sometimes don't see them until it's too late :)

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><p>Kevin looked at his watch and yawned: almost 9:30, PM. He's only allowed himself a bathroom break in the last five hours. He had to do a live text for the Mets game and after that was finished, he had to write the article for The Globe's printed edition. He was mostly working for the online sports department, but every week he had to cover an article in the paper as well, for Tuesday's edition. He still had to check it for mistakes and send it to the editor, but he wanted to take a break first, so that he could approach what he'd written with a clear head.<p>

Since he was working a minimum of eight hours a day, depending on the sports events of the day, he found it a whole lot easier to sit in a normal, office chair, because of the high back, which allowed him to sit more comfortably. And to make sure there wouldn't be any pressure problems, he used his wheelchair's cushion on the office chair as well.

He quickly transferred to his wheelchair, put his coat on, took his phone and a half eaten yogurt and headed towards the balcony. The news room was almost empty, a few of his colleagues here and there, many TV sets on different channels and a lot of dirty coffee mugs on desks. No one from the cleaning department was working on a Sunday night. He headed towards the balcony, hoping that the fresh air of a November night would shake him up a bit and make him feel less tired.

His heart skipped a bit as he entered the balcony and saw April there, smoking nervously. She was one feisty woman; she talked too much and had the self confidence of a shell fish; she had very little grasp of reality, was a bit self centered and bitchy at times; she could barely sit still, it was like she was driven by a motor and sometimes she could be so calm and keep a clear head in the middle of the most stressful situations; he thought she was the most beautiful and interesting woman he'd ever seen. She just needed to change her attitude. But in spite of all that and in spite of her changing her mind all the time when it came to likes and dislikes – an attitude he came to know very well – he was feeling so drawn to her and all he could think about was kissing her and taking care of her, especially after her little break-down in his car.

He though he was pathetic. For the past two weeks, he was actually glad to get up early and go to work, because every day he had hopes of seeing her. On the other hand, he was glad when they worked different shifts, because those were the only days he could focus on work. Sometimes, he locked reason in a box and threw it in the water and just started random conversations with her on the internal chat system, since running into her was a bit harder, with them working on different floors. She was his first thought when he was getting up in the morning and the last one at night, when he was falling asleep.

Most times he was mad at himself for being so infatuated because he had realized that lately everything he did had something to do with her; he found himself wearing a certain shirt because she complemented him on it, on some random night out with the gang, when she probably had one too many drinks. Of course, when he realized that was the reason he chose to wear that shirt to work, he rolled his eyes and made a point to wear something else completely. He shaved when he remember she said she likes his scruffy look; he wore perfume after she said that she doesn't like men who do that because it irritates her nose and she'd much rather like a man who smells like soap and all around clean. He gave all those up soon when he'd realized that doing something against April was still doing it because of her. He just told himself that he'd try to control his feelings as much as he could until they would go away, as he was sure it will happen.

He had no idea that April was going through the same things as him.

"Wow, I didn't know anyone was still alive around this place".

"Yeah, I'm thinking about ways to kill Stuart!", April replied dryly.

"Oh, come on, nobody like their boss", Kevin tried to lift her spirits.

"Riiight! You and Mark go out for drinks with your editor!"

"Well…he's a great guy! Stuart is more like…the gum on your shoe that won't go away. "

April lighted another cigarette and offered Kevin one as well, but he denied her offer saying that he gave up smoking since he was already very cool and didn't need extra help in that department.

"I hate him. I really do. I don't think I've ever really hated anyone and I like…wish him very, very bad things", April went on. "I mean…he's constantly on my back. He calls me nonstop when I'm out for a story and he doesn't stop until I answer. I think I had once over two dozens missed calls from him; he yells and has the manners of a redneck…and he smells!"

"Yeah, you noticed that, right?"

"How can you not notice it? Does he ever bathe?"

"Mark and I got him deodorant some time ago, when we were sharing the same desk. We just left it next to his computer, but he didn't even touch it", Kevin said, sipping from his yogurt.

"I hate my job", April exhaled defeated as she threw away her cigarette, tighten her coat around her body and sat on a small bench next to Kevin, so that the two were now at the same level.

He wasn't very sure what he should say, a pep talk wasn't really his field…or any other guy's for that matter. He also wasn't very sure they should be this close, given his burning desire to brush her lips with his.

"Oh, come on, it could be worse! And journalism is fun. I mean…I get to sit all day and watch sports, which is pretty much what I'd be doing anyway, and I get paid for it!"

"How did you get in to the business?"April asked, turning all serious and looking at Kevin.

He laughed and looked up for a second, not really sure how to say it so that she's believe him. "I….met this girl….and she had a crush on me…and she was an editor…and she showed me the ropes. I started as a fact checker for a small paper and she'd even let me have a byline in the Sunday edition!"

"Shut up!" April hit in the arm and looked away, smirking in disbelief. "No way you'd have a byline while working as a fact checker!"

"I'm serious!", Kevin laughed.

"So…you owe your career to a girl with a crush? What would you have done if you hadn't met her?"

It was Kevin's turn to get serious now, as he remember a time in his life when he had thought that he had no future and that the darkness that surrounded him was never going to turn to light.

"Flipping burgers? Filing…things? I don't know. I wasn't really aiming high those days".

April nodded and looked down, understanding the implications of his statement. She's only seen him as a well-adjusted guy, an average guy who just happens to be in a wheelchair. It never crossed her mind that he could've been different and it now came to her how horrible his first months or even years after the accident must've been.

"From fact checker to full time journalist, now that's a Hallmark story", she said as she tried to divert his thoughts back to better memories.

"It's…it's a longer story".

"I'm not going back to Stuart's body odor!"

"Ok, you really want to know?"

"Yes", April firmly said, as she took out the pack of cigarettes from her coat and lighted another one. She didn't usually smoke. She just had a bad habit of buying cigarettes and smoking the whole pack in two days when she was nervous, even now and then. She hated it, but it helped her calm down.

"Well, I was a fact checker, with a fact checker pay check, but from time to time I got to cover news stories. Ultimately, I was working as a full time reporter. All that changed when Rebecca – my boss – got a better job. My new boss was a British 50 something years old woman who cared for diplomas and I got sent back to fact checking. Which I hated, because by that time I knew I could write better than most guys there…"

"You're modest, I like that", April said ironically.

"What? It's the truth. I was better!"

"I never questioned that!" she laughed.

"Aaaanyways…so…I got into school while still working and ….in about my second year of college I took a course in sports journalism. And the teacher was pretty impressed with the amount of trivia I knew about sports so he's introduced me to some guys for an internship. At first I didn't really want to, I had had a…a pretty long and close relationship with sports and I thought I couldn't just sit and watch others play for a living, but he convinced me otherwise."

"How? I mean…if it's ok…you don't have to tell me…"

"Oh, no, it's nothing interesting…He just said that not specializing in sports journalism would be plain stupid because I already had an advantage, by knowing so much about it and that I would've made my life harder choosing something else, since that would have meant also learning the basis of the field I had to write about. So, as of…about a year now, I'm a full time sports journalist. I started at The Globe with an internship". Kevin looked at her as she was smiling a bit nervously, not knowing anything else to say next.

"You made the smart move…listening to your teacher."

A few moments of silence passed by between the two, none of them really knowing what to do or say next. They were both freezing cold, but didn't want to go inside, afraid of not having another opportunity too soon to stay this close to each other, all alone. April had finished her cigarette and was now playing with some mints.

"How old was your editor? The girl who hired you in the first place I mean", she asked after a while.

"About…28, I think."

"28? And how old were you?"

"Umm…19…"Kevin answered softly, a bit embarrassed but also a bit proud.

"Oh man, cougar alert!"

Kevin nearly choked with a mouthful of yogurt. "What?" He was more surprised she had actually said that, so fast and loud; that one, he couldn't see it coming.

Now April was embarrassed because of her outburst. She knew she was impulsive and she knew she was impulsive in the worst moments. Now, she just wanted to go hide under a rock; it wasn't really what she'd said, but more like how she said it and she knew men didn't really like outbursts like that. Kevin, on the other hand, was more like amused than upset.

"I'm sorry…I have no idea where that came from!" April apologized, but was now laughing at her own expense. "I'm a moron, I'm sorry."

"No, no…I mean…a nine years difference is a lot, especially since I had absolutely no experience with women outside high school. I guess it's no surprise that didn't go further pass a few dates."

"Wait, you've actually dated?"April's mouth dropped in disbelief. She was absolutely flabbergasted.

"Is that so hard to believe?"Kevin defended his honor.

"No…it's just…wow, nine years! A few more and she could've been your.."

"Don't even!"Kevin threatened her with a mean look. "What's so funny? You don't believe me?"

"Noooo, I could never question the reality in your stories!"

April laughed harder and harder, shooting him looks. She felt chills down her spine and didn't know whether it was because of the weather or because she was sitting so close to him. Still, she crossed her arms and pulled her coat closer to her body. He noticed she was cold and he softly caressed his back, in an attempt to warm her up. Their eyes met as she raised her head from between her hands to thank him with a smile. She knew his eyes were blue, but she hadn't realized that they were that blue. An ocean she could get lost in. She liked his messy hair, because it was clear he messed it on purpose, because he liked the look and she liked that he appeared to have missed that day's shaving routine. And she liked how this late at night he smelled like he just stepped out of the shower. Or something close to that.

"So she just…hired you…with no previous experience and no college diploma?"

"Well..I guess she just thought I was cute!"

April raised her eyebrows.

"What? You don't think I'm cute?"Kevin asked jokingly, not taking his eyes off of her.

"I never said that". They were both too lost in the moment to realize how hard they were flirting with each other. Kevin stopped caressing her back and just rested his hand on her shoulders, while April slipped further away under his arm with her head almost resting on his shoulder.

"So…you…do think I'm cute". Although Kevin said it very flirtatiously, he was also trying to decipher just what was going on in her mind.

"No…"April smiled.

"You don't?"

"I think you're very cute", she answered honestly as they grew closer. "Actually, I think you're more than cute…a lot more…actually…."

With that, he softly touched her lips with his, brushing her upper lip, then her lower one, until their tongues met halfway. April felt her heart was pounding at first, but then she felt a surge of warmness taking over her entire body. She was no longer cold, although her body couldn't really tell her where she was. Her senses were only focused on his lips and the pleasure she felt through her body; she had no thoughts left, she was all about feeling now.

They kissed for a few more moments, sometimes more passionately, sometimes more softly, both of them wanting more and more. She felt the need to get some air from time to time, but denied herself of that, because she was too afraid of what was going to happen next between them, as the glory of the moment was slowly passing and thoughts were entering her mind, slowly.

They both stopped suddenly and April jumped on her feet as the door of the balcony opened and one of their colleagues made his way outside. He could see he had startled them, but the reason didn't really cross his mind.

"Hey, April, I was looking for you. You don't have your phone with you?", he asked.

April was still under the influence of the kiss and couldn't really go back to reality this fast. "Um…I think…umm…"she patted her pockets nervously, until she found her cell. "Oh, right…here…why?"

"Stuart was looking for you…for about half an hour. He sent me out looking for you and said I shouldn't come back unless I have you in tow."

She looked at Kevin as he started wheeling himself to the door. "I have to…go back to work too…I have a lot of things to do…". He opened the door for April to get in and all three of them were back in the office in no time. They exchanged looks, neither of them really knowing what to say or do. Everything seemed a little different in the light, it was like the darkness outside was covering for them, protecting them.

Kevin wheeled back to his desk and only watched her leaving a few times, for a few seconds, before disappearing up the stairs. She didn't turn around and she already seemed engaged in some other conversation with the guy. He shook his head a few times, opened the laptop, put on some headphones and starting reviewing his article. He laughed nervously a bit, when he saw the first words of the title he'd given to the review of the Mets game he was writing. "_Now what?"_


	10. Chapter 10

"Your brother is living under the impression that he did all the work", Karen said to Kevin, looking mischievously at Luke, playing with a T-spoon that she used to stir her hot chocolate.

"So what you're saying is that our entire relationship only exists because of some random second-hand game you pulled?", Luke defended his honor.

"No, sweetie", Karen answered, a bit patronizing, while stroking his hair, "I'm saying that I practically had to throw myself at you before you got the nerve to call me."

After Luke and Karen had officially become an item, they started hanging out with Kevin frequently, mostly going out for dinner or drinks. After she had met Luke's friends, she thought they were too immature and too obsessed with video games to deserve her time. She was a very strong woman, who had no problem speaking her mind, but except for Luke, she found guys her age too immature and too interested in all sorts of time-wasting activities that really weren't her thing. Conversations with Kevin weren't really that highly interesting, either, but I least he had a decent taste in movies and it seems that he had took some time to actually read a few books, even if they were mostly biographies of sports stars. Plus, being a journalist, he had to keep up with recent events in pretty much all fields, so at least he could come up with a topic when things were getting boring.

"Huh. I'm impressed when women make the first move although it doesn't seem like that", Kevin chimed in.

"Oh, right, because you're so well informed about the basis of flirting! You know, some just want to be friendly, it's not like …if a woman starts a random conversation with you, in at least 90% times, that woman would like you to ask for her phone number", Luke argued, to which both Kevin and Karen answered "yes", at the same time.

"Yes…what?", Luke went on.

"Ok, say you're in a bar. If a woman who's sitting next to you starts to ask you about the peanuts, yeah, that one's interested in you. Dude! I cannot believe you're 24 and we're having this conversation! It's…common knowledge!", his brother answered.

"No, that's what men who think too much of themselves believe. Because they cannot understand how a woman could not be attracted to them."

"Ok, now I'm bored and I'm not really a fan of this conversation, so….", Karen offered, "Luke, sweetie, yes, I came on to you at the hospital, on the day we met, and the second time we've seen each other I made sure I'd say all the right things that would determine you to ask me for my number. I don't care about the statistics, or about what random women would do in a bar – but Kevin has pretty much gotten it right - but that's what I did. It's a game, you have to learn how to play it!"

"That's plain manipulation! That's like…"

But his speech was interrupted by a soft, feminine voice, coming from a medium height brunette, who was smiling wryly next to their dinner table.

"Hi!"

"H…Hi..", Kevin stuttered, surprised to see April at the same restaurant. "How've…you been? I haven't seen you around…that much".

"Um…yeah…you know I left for the … they sent me to…Houston, for a story…and then Claire and her husband decided to go through some sort of a crisis and had a big fight so her and I went to this spa for a week…."

"Well, that doesn't sound too bad…a week at the spa", Kevin smiled. "Oh…this is my brother Luke…and…Karen, his..girlfriend."

April smiled and nodded politely. They hadn't seen each other since the night they kissed on the balcony at work. She was not only unsure about her feelings, but also of his, although she couldn't stop her heart from racing when she heard his laugh tonight, from the other side of the restaurant. She also couldn't control her emotions that took over her whenever she was out and her eyes played tricks on her, leading her to believe she'd seen him at a mall, or at a bar or in some random shop that didn't even have a ramp.

"This is April, we work together."

"Not anymore", April chuckled. "I landed a job at Parsons, the publishing house. I'm managing PR for Sci-Fi, self help and other non-fiction books", she very proudly said.

"Wow…um…wow…I guess…um…congratulations!", Kevin was taken aback by this, feeling a bit cheated that she didn't consider it was necessary to tell him she was leaving The Globe and also a bit sad because that would mean he wouldn't be seeing her anymore. He was also a bit angry with himself because he had thought his place in her life was higher than in reality. After they had kissed, he kept waiting to talk to her about it and maybe ask her out, but the next day she was sent to another city for an article, while about a week after that, he was sent to cover the next three baseball games in the season, that took place in three different cities. When he got back, he kept hoping to run into her naturally, with the help of chance, but she was already gone.

April, on the other hand, was more unsure than ever of her feelings. She couldn't deny how she felt when he had kissed her, how for the first time in a very long time she could finally say there was no other place she'd rather be and no other person she's rather be with than right then and there, on that small balcony of the 8th floor of the building The Globe operated in, on a very cold November night. But she also couldn't deny how she felt about his whole situation, how she constantly said no in her head at the idea of something actually happening between them. She had tried to tell herself that he was as normal as any other guy, with a lot of faults and shortcomings, likes and dislikes and a whole lot more qualities, and it was just like he had broken a leg or an arm; aside from that, he was still a normal person. Had been before, was one now. But it felt like she was trying to convince herself, because in reality, the wheelchair was a deal breaker. She liked him, she couldn't deny that. But she felt that didn't like him enough to ignore the things that were bugging her.

So she decided to let chance deal with everything. If he were to call her, ok, if not, that was ok too. She was also having mixed feelings after time had passed and she realized he wasn't going to call her. When her friend Claire announced her that one of her husband's friends would like to take her out, April eventually accepted the invitation. She had never searched for romance; now, romance was all she could think about. She kept saying to herself that if she was to meet enough men, she'd eventually really like one and forget all about Kevin. She had never thought that his feelings for him were that deep, so going out with another man only made her feel worse and wish even more that he'd call.

"So…basically, you've got everything you ever wanted, good for you", said Kevin, congratulating her again, while Karen was very much enjoying the subtext that went on between the girl with long hair and great smile and her boyfriend's brother.

"Would you like to…join us? We've only just gotten here so…And you can tell me all about Stuart's face when you told him you quit", Kevin asked enthusiastically, but before April got a chance to answer, a tall man approached her, handing her coat.

"Hey. You ready?", he asked.

April was a bit out of her element, and looked back and forth between Kevin and her date. She finally snapped out of it and accepted his help with her coat.

"Um…Yeah…I'm ready", she answered, avoiding his gaze. Everyone has said their goodbyes and Kevin looked out the window, pensive and not realizing how intense Karen and Luke were staring at him.

"What?", he questioned their looks.

"Nothing, what?", Karen said, smiling and taking a sip of her hot chocolate, not taking her eyes off of Kevin.

Kevin rolled his eyes and started looking over the menu. "Don't even!"

"I didn't say anything!", Karen went on. "Would you please excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom."

"You're a hypocrite!", Luke blurted out after Karen was gone.

"What?"

"No, wait, if they've ever wanted to change the name of hypocrisy, they would call it Kevin. Actually…"

"Dude, chill. You've been in a relationship for a year and now you think everyone should get hitched? Don't read anything into it!"

"You're going to stay there and act all casual even after that whole speech about bars and peanuts and women coming on to you? Dude, she was all about peanuts!"

"How 'bout you mind your own business, ok?"

Luke leaned back a bit on the chair and looked in the direction of the women's restroom, to make sure Karen wasn't coming back.

"You like her, don't you?", Luke said smiling, and getting closer to his brother, like he was waiting for a huge secret.

"Oh, come on, just drop it."

"That's why you didn't want to go out with Karen's friend, Ginny? And that one was all over you!"

"Luke, you're gonna shut up now, ok?"

"What's the big deal? She seems to like you, she wouldn't have come to talk to you while she was on a date with some other guy if she didn't. You should just ask her out, you're not co-workers anymore, you've heard her."

"It's a bit more complicated than that and I really don't like you telling me what to do."

"You're afraid, aren't you?" Luke said, clearly enjoying this.

"No, I'm not", Kevin answered, still not taking his eyes off the menu.

"Yes, you are! You so are! You're afraid she's going to say no!"

"I've already told you, it's complicated."

"No, it's not. You're scared!" Luke felt like he had won the jackpot. His brother, his big brother, the one who had always told him what to do in a particular situation with women, the one who had almost every teenage girl in high school at his feet, the one that still had a pretty solid part of the female population still interested in him even after his accident was even more insecure and - rather shy – than him when it came to asking someone out.

"I'm not scared. And I'm gonna punch you if you don't shut up."

"Why are you being so defensive about this? It's not a big deal; if you like her, call her. What? You're worried about that guy?"

"No, I'm not."

"Then what?"

"Then…nothing!"

"Why wouldn't you ask her out?"

"Because I'm in love with her, okay?" said Kevin, almost defeated. He gave up the menu and looked out the window, shaking his head and crossing his arms. "I might even love her…"

"Oh." Luke's smirk was wiped from his face. "Yeah, I guess that does complicate things."

They both sat at the table in silence for a few moments, Kevin still looking out the window and Luke trying to guess why was Karen taking this long.

"And…you don't think there's any chance she might feel the same? About…about you, I mean…clearly, I meant about you…"

"I think…not even April herself knows how she feels, let alone me…"

"…And maybe a phone call would tell you both how she feels? I mean…what have you go to lose? You don't even get to see her anymore; it's not like if she says no you're going to run into her on a daily basis. And it's not like you're friends…"

Kevin looked at his younger brother and smiled softly. He was proud of Luke and the man he had grown up to became. It was so easier for him now, he was young, rather good looking, smart and had a nice job. If only he'd play some sports…Kevin, on the other hand, had to fight now to get what he wants. He just had to make up his mind whether the battle for April was worth it or not.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N. Usual disclaimers apply. I do own April, however :D

* * *

><p><em>Kevin pulled over in front of her apartment building. The entire night had been a fiasco; he had been so embarrassed that all the way home he could barely say a word. April, on the other hand, was nervously playing with her hair, but couldn't wipe a big grin that had set upon her face. If at first she couldn't really say why she liked him so much, putting everything on account of chemistry, now she could definitely give out a first reason. She liked his soft tempered nature; most of the guys she had dated would've made a huge scene and embarrass her if tonight had happened to them. Kevin just found the best solution for their problems without much effort. More, he was able to get over a slightly uncomfortable situation with humor and didn't make a big deal about it, while others would consider it a huge threat to their masculinity. If tonight had showed her anything, it was the fact that Kevin was more of a man that the macho able bodied men she had went out with.<em>

* * *

><p>April was lying in bed on her stomach, with a big pillow under her belly to support her back, not allowing it to bend too much, while reading a book. She had a burning desire from time to time to just get lost in a story; staying up reading, almost all night, was something familiar to her. In her early twenties she had discovered a passion for French novelists from the 18th and 19th century, even though she majored in English. So every time she needed an escape, she could find one between the pages of Maupassant, Stendhal or Balzac. Whenever she was home, she kept her phone on silent; she had a very nosy roommate and her hearing the phone ring would just start a whole rain of questions. All she wanted to do now is to catch up with her reading; working for a publishing house, people would expect from her to know a lot about books. And tomorrow being Sunday, she could spend the entire night reading. She fussed in bed a bit, needing to change positions because her neck was getting stiff. Reaching for another pillow, she found her phone that had somehow slipped underneath. Initially trying to check the time, she noticed she had one missed call from Kevin, from almost two hours ago.<p>

Her heart jumped as she spent a few moments just staring at his name on her screen. She tried doing some mental math, to figure out why he would call her…on a Saturday evening, at 6 PM. She knew 'the gang' would barely hang out on a Saturday, since Mark almost always had a date then and Eric was a newly-wed, so he'd mostly go out immediately after work or in the afternoon, so that he could spend evenings with his wife. April was trying to remember all the reasons Kevin had called for her during the time they had been friends – or something close to that – and it occurred to her that he'd only called her two or three times, one being the day they were supposed to attend a conference together and he had to pick her up, since she was in his way and a second time when she was out for coffee run and he wanted her to get him a latte.

Deep down, she was hoping that he called to ask her out or at least to make some conversation and give her a sign, anything, that he wanted to take that kiss from three months ago further. She sighted, telling herself that hoping too much would only set her up for disappointment.

April hadn't smoked in weeks; she just kept an opened pack and a lighter hidden in her dresser for emergencies only, when she couldn't calm her nerves. She reached for the pack, wrapped herself in a blanket and opened the window. She lit the cigarette and called Kevin; the January wind was merciless, but the sound of the phone ringing was sending more chills down her spine. She left it ring a few time before hanging up, realizing that he won't answer. Maybe he had called her because he needed something from her, but since she didn't answer, he found what he wanted somewhere else. He wasn't glued to the phone, waiting and waiting for her to return his call. She just hoped that by not answering, she missed a chance. She took another drag of her cigarette and she threw the phone on the bed, not wanting to look at it anymore.

* * *

><p>Kevin was mindlessly surfing the web, getting lost in all sorts of obscure articles and blogs. He's done his part, he had called her; from now on, the ball was in her court. He wasn't impulsive; in fact, he had a very patient nature. However, this time he was afraid that by not making a move sooner, he had missed his boat with her. Maybe the guy he had seen her last with wasn't one of her regular hit and miss dates; maybe she was out with him that very moment and that's why she couldn't answer the phone.<p>

He decided to stop punishing himself with this kind of thoughts so, shutting down his computer, he went to take a shower and prepare for the next day, when he had to be at work. He never minded working on Sundays, he liked working so he could keep his mind busy. He almost always wanted Saturdays off, because that's when his wheelchair basketball team was reuniting for a couple of games; and when it was warm outside, he was always taking Thursdays off as well, to play golf with his father. The game itself was boring him to death; but the conversations with his father were worth it. After a game, he was always going to lunch at his parents' and they all got used to being just the three of them at the dining table. His parents had thought that Kevin was going to be the hardest to convince to come home for the holidays and in between, before his accident. He was supposed to be the one for whose attention they had to fight, later on in life. Ironically, he was the only one who had stayed.

Getting out of the shower, Kevin had heard his phone ringing, but by the time he reached for it, April hung up. After putting another blouse on, he picked it up and called her again. The sound of her voice made him nervous and exited, in the same time.

"It's Kevin…Girardi…", he stammered a bit. Why did he say who he is? She has his number!

"I know…", April giggled, realizing where that mistake must've come from.

"I'm sorry, I was in the shower and didn't hear you calling."

"No, that's ok", she answered, relieved.

"So…"

"Yeah?" April was very impatient.

"What?" English, Kevin, English. And sentences.

"I don't know…you called me."

"Right. Yes, I know…Um…", Kevin covered his eyes in shame, even though he was all alone in the apartment. At least she couldn't see his face. Since when was he having so much trouble asking someone out? "I was wondering, since you got that great job of yours and we've been both too much out of town lately, maybe we could have a belated celebration."

April didn't have anything to say to that. A 'belated celebration?' She found that so sweet and lame that she just wanted to spare him the shame and ask him out herself.

"Or we could go to a movie…or dinner…or…bungee jumping", he went on laughing nervously because of her silence.

"Tonight?"April finally let out, hoping it wasn't too late for him either. She would have gone out with him at 2 AM at that point.

Kevin was taken aback by her question. He was about 80 percent sure she wouldn't say no; but he wouldn't have guessed she was so eager to go out with him.

"Umm…yeah…sure….Yeah! Um…tonight works", he finally answered, toning it down towards the end, to hide his enthusiasm. "Pick you up in…an hour...or so?"

April made a list in her head of all the things she had to do – shower, five minutes; make-up, seven minutes; nail polish was all good, find the right clothes – 25 minutes, hair – two minutes; time to calm down before seeing him – at least 30 minutes. "Yeah, a bit over an hour works for me too."

Kevin had chosen a nice restaurant that he'd never been to but knew it was accessible, since it was recommended by one of the guys in his basketball team. They got an ordinary table, with chairs, not benches, which meant he had to stay in his own chair. Their waiter seemed extremely zealous even from the start when he quickly approached Kevin to help him by pushing the chair, only to stop when he realized that there were no push handlers and the back rest was very low. Kevin smirked when the waiter stepped back a little, checking the wheelchair with a confused look.

As the waiter placed only one menu on their table, Kevin thought to himself that he shouldn't jump to conclusions; maybe the only had a few menus and each table got only one. But then he looked around and the place wasn't even half full. This wasn't something that was happening on a daily basis, but some were truly ignorant, especially those working in the services filed. By that time, Kevin's only wish was that their waiter that night would be able to make a difference between not working legs and not working brain, so that April wouldn't freak out because of the treatment he was getting. But his hopes got shattered when the waiter came back to take their order and only looked at April, giving her the infamous line "And what would he be having?", referring to Kevin, like he wasn't even there, like he wasn't a person, like he wasn't able to talk for himself.

April didn't really know what to make of the situation; this whole thing was too new to her to understand. Luckily, by that point, Kevin cared more about her reaction than to deal with the ignorant that was waiting on them that night.

He straightened up in his chair and took the menu from April's hands. "I don't know…I haven't really decided yet", Kevin said, as he flipped the pages in search of something that might get his attention. "How about…some sparkling water and…", to April "you want some wine?"

"S…Sure", she answered, as the tension slowly faded.

"And a glass of wine", Kevin said to the waiter, smiling sincerely. "And if you can come back in five minutes, I'll choose something by then. Thanks."

April looked at him as he was trying to decide what to order. He really wasn't going to say anything about it. "I would've killed that guy!"

"What?"Kevin asked like he had no idea what she was referring to. "Oh, don't worry about it."

"It's like…you weren't even there! Does this happen…a lot?"

"No…not really…sometimes…Or in other circumstances…But really, it's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Do you want to change restaurants? I don't really feel like paying that guy!"

"On this weather? On a Saturday night? Without reservation?"

April sighted. He was right. That would've been too much of a hassle. "I'm going to tell him straight!"

"Oh come on, what would that change? Have you looked at his face? Don't worry, he's feeling pretty…shitty now, he's learned his lesson."

After the waiter came back, Kevin ordered and apparently he had been right. The guy was trying his best to make up for his mistake and, while he didn't apologize, he was treating Kevin as normal as he could, also trying hard not to overdo it.

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?"Kevin asked, taking a sip from his water.

"Not getting mad at everyone, not giving them a piece of your mind…making them…understand…I guess…."

"Why would I do that?", he asked, chuckling.

"I don't know…it just seems…not fair to let it slide like that", April offered, as she crossed her arms and leaned back on her chair.

"Yeah, I've tried that whole 'it's not fair' routine", Kevin answered, his face turning serious. "It takes…it takes a pretty long while to adjust and accept this", he sighted. "And…you don't really ever…fully…embrace it…you just learn to go on with your life as it and not sweat the small things. I guess the key is to have more good days than bad ones."

"What's your good days/bad days ratio?"April asked, but Kevin didn't answer, just looked her right in the eyes and gave her a mischievous smile.

"Guys like him", Kevin went on, referring to the waiter, "come and go, but don't have the tiniest impact on my life."

"How long did it take you? To accept…the…the accident, I mean?"

"Don't you just love those first date lighthearted conversation?"Kevin laughed, but stopped suddenly, when he realized he had said the word 'date'. "I mean….uh…."

"Well, first dates are supposed to be the most awkward, right?", she offered, not really getting his nervousness. For her, it was clearly a date, so that the possibility of him thinking that it wasn't one didn't even enter her mind.

"Yeah". Kevin was relieved. "Um… it took me…almost ten years to get here!"

"Ten years?"April was a bit confused. " But that's…isn't it going to be…ten years…this year?"

Kevin chucked; that was his point, everyday he had to accept it all over again, but not nearly as dramatically as in the beginning.

"Yeah…the first two years were….were something. That's the time when you get stuff back; it says that whatever you get back, it happens in the first two – three years. So everytime I felt something new I was sure I'd be on my feet in no time. When that didn't happen, I sank further…and further…The next three years were all muddled, going to college, hanging out with people close to my age, finding new, simpler routines to do stuff….I was somewhat kidding before…it didn't really take ten years…not much has changed after the first…five or six years".

Neither of them really knew what to say next; after a few moments of silence, he successfully tried and changed the topic of the conversation, so that the main focus was now on April. She told him all about her new job, how excited she was about it and how much it meant to her to finally have something she enjoys doing.

"Why do you care so much about what you do for a living? I mean…you're a very passionate person, I got that, it's just that…people are happy even when things don't really go their way", Kevin asked.

"How can someone not care? I'm not this workaholic who only thinks about her job; but spending eight or nine hours doing something that you hate is horrible!", she defended herself.

Kevin nodded. She was right and he felt the same way she did, but she was so vocal about this whole working out of pleasure business, that he felt that all her lobbying had a hidden subtext.

"Well, yeah, but it's not like you were cleaning floors before; and most people are happy to have a job that pays the bills and allows them to have a drink or two on a Saturday night…"

April pondered whether to keep on responding or completely change the subject. "It's just….I'm afraid some parts of my life are never going to…work well…so I'll need something to hang on to. I don't really do much outside work", she chuckled softly and went on, "but of course I was super busy tonight when you called and I only accepted your offer to go out after putting off the thousands of things I was already in the middle of doing!"

"Oh, of course! I couldn't imagine it otherwise!"Kevin went on with her little joke, full knowing that she wouldn't have accepted his dinner invitation at almost eight, on a Saturday, if she hadn't been home, without any other plans.

"Anyway…I guess I'm just scared and having something to fall back onto, like a safety net, makes me feel better", she went on, letting her guard down a little and telling him all about her fears that she'll end up alone. "My…personal life is already…highly dysfunctional. If I also hated my job…I never want to go back there."

"That's something…we have in common", he finally let out, smiling a bit.

* * *

><p>He couldn't really understand her fear of abandonment since he knew she'd done some heavy dating all the time they had known each other and she constantly had men approaching her. Or maybe that's only his view upon things, since he couldn't really understand how she was still alone and why she was so afraid of being alone.<p>

She definitely had something; her presence alone was enough to make him feel like the alpha male of the pack. She appeared to be all self sufficient, content and comfortable in her own skin; in reality, she was vulnerable, sweet and sometimes even too sensitive. She had something that made him want to protect her, to care for her, something he hasn't felt with any of the women he's been with. She had a somewhat strong personality too, but for the first time, he felt he was stronger than her.

Kevin's admittance of being afraid he'll end up alone didn't scare her a bit, much to her surprise. Instead of being taken aback by his words, instead of making up scenarios in which he'd only gone out with her because there was no one else, she felt even more attracted to him. A guy who could point out his insecurities and not allowing them to put him down was more than ok in her book. Besides, she had never thought that he would have a problem getting women, after she got used to him; he was good looking and had a nice personality, but not nice enough to put on the "friends only" list.

As he wheeled to the car, struggling through the snow, he opened the door quickly and trying to get in faster, he forgot to put on the breaks, causing him to fall right between his car and the chair that was now slowly slipping away, further and further.

April first called his name and ran to help, but seeing him lie on the cold snow, laughing and not really trying to get up made her wonder if this wasn't a big joke. He asked her to retrieve his chair and when she turned around, he threw snow right in her face. April bit her lip and closed her eyes, deciding whether she should take his wheelchair and let him lie there for some time.

"You're actually going to do that? Throw snow at me from the position you're in?" she raised her eyebrows, trying to show him that she has the power.

Kevin, grinning, reached for his chair and, with one hand on it and one on the car's back door's handle, he pushed himself back in his wheelchair. He tried to get as much snow as he could off of him and, as he looked up to see April still expecting an answer, he reached for her hand and pulled her fast on his lap.

"What I am, your blanket?" she snorted.

"Mhm…"he answered, as he pulled her in for a kiss, enjoying the sweet distinction between her cold face and lips and the warmness of her mouth.

* * *

><p>"You've got to be kidding me!" Kevin let out, exasperated.<p>

"What?"

He looked up at April who was arranging her hat on her head, oblivious to the wall he's hit. After leaving the restaurant, neither of them wanted to go home and since the only places opened that late were night clubs, Kevin chose one he's been to before, one he felt comfortable in. After a few drinks, they decided to head home, since he was working the next day and his watch was heavily pointing towards 2 A.M.

On their way to the parking lot, he noticed someone had blocked his access to his car, leaving his vehicle too close to Kevin's.

"I can't…get in", he said, looking at her, waiting for a reaction. Great. People treating him like he was non existent, him missing a transfer and falling from his chair, now a jerk blocking his access to his car. This night couldn't be more brilliant, Kevin had thought. Well, it could but he didn't want to think that far.

"Oh. Oh!" April finally caught on. "Um…I'll ran inside and ask someone to make an announcement, or something", she said, as she eyed the license plate number. And before Kevin could say anything, she was gone.

He waited patiently by the car, trying to figure it out if he could crawl in the car or use the limited strength of his legs before she could see him, when he saw April getting back, alone.

"I failed", she sighted, trying to light the mood.

"Yeah, I figured. Getting the owner of that car out of that club would be like trying to find the needle in the hay stack."

"Ugh! I thought I was going to kill someone. They said they're sorry for the inconvenience, but that they can't stop the music to make an announcement and the only microphone they have is in the DJ booth…and getting there with all those people on the dance floor…"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it."

"Um…they said…they said they'd be happy to send someone to…help you…", April said a bit embarrassed. If all the other things that had happened tonight meant nothing to her, this was the only time she realized he was disabled and needed help from time to time.

Kevin looked at her, trying to get from her facial expressions how much everything that had happened tonight scared her off. However, if there was something he was sure of, was the fact that there was no way in hell he'll let a complete stranger carry him to the car in front of her or in any other circumstances, for that matter.

He glanced back at the car; there was clearly enough room for someone how could walk to get in. The space between cars was tight, but not tight enough for a normal person.

"So…."he started. "We kinda have three options now. Either wait here and hope not to freeze until that guy has had enough of partying, either wait inside…or….I stay on a lookout for cops and you break the law", he offered, grinning.

April was intrigued. "You want to smash his windows in hopes that the car will make enough noise?"

"Nah, that wouldn't work. I'm going to teach you how to drive with hand controls!" Kevin pulled out his keys and threw them to her. "I use detachable hand controls, but I'd have to get in to unhook them and talking you through it would take too much time. Just…push for gas, pull for break. That easy."

"Oh, cool! Breaking the law and learning something new!"

Kevin was relieved a bit by how she took the entire situation, actually feeling enthusiastic by what she was about to do. April followed his directions closely and managed to pull the car back, so that he'd have room to get in. She had so much fun driving his car that she felt a bit disappointed that he wouldn't her let her drive some more. When Kevin explained how driving with hand controls when not disabled would get her a large fine, she was more than happy to take the passenger seat.

* * *

><p>They both sat in silence in his car, parked outside of her apartment building. As Kevin was still feeling a bit nervous about everything and was having trouble deciding what to do next, April reached for his hand and intertwined her fingers with his, and then, with a sudden move, she gave him a peck on the corner of his lips. Pulling back, she let out a playful giggle.<p>

Kevin chuckled and, feeling a surge of self confidence, pulled her in for a kiss again. Maybe the night hadn't been as disastrous for her as he had thought. After she left his car and disappeared in the building, he sighted and slammed his for forehead on the wheel, remembering all the things that went wrong tonight. He quickly jumped right back and didn't know how to drive away faster, as his head hit the honk.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N**. The story is rated 'T', but this chapter is a bit big on the more 'mature' side of things. Nothing trashy, some some explicit talk between the characters. It's just this chapter, so instead of changing the entire rating, I'm just putting up this warning. Six more chapters and I'm done. Thank you for reading :)

* * *

><p>"All done", said Kevin, as he wheeled himself out of the bathroom, still having little drops of water falling from his hair to his shoulders. He didn't wash his hair, but it being a bit longer, the ends were getting wet even if he was only showering. He had put on a grey T-shirt and he was ready to add a sweater, when they would leave the apartment.<p>

He found April waiting for him on the couch, nervously zapping through some random TV channels. Her mind was divided between what had happened while attending for the first time one of Kevin's basketball games, the conversations she's had with the wives and girlfriends of other paraplegics, and the present time, being in his apartment for the first time. Seeing everyone so at ease with their respective partners' disabilities had a reverse effect on her; it didn't make her feel better, it only made her uncomfortable. She couldn't really understand why she felt so relieved when the game ended and everyone went on separate ways. It was a club she didn't feel like belonging to. She did enjoy looking at him, however, with his tight sports T-shirt that revealed his well developed chest and strong hands.

They were supposed to go out afterwards, but first they had to stop by at his place for Kevin to take a shower, since he couldn't use the ones the gym. They had been seeing each other almost every other day for the last couple of weeks, so she had started to be very comfortable with him, physically. They haven't gotten further than a few very passionate kisses at the cinema, but lately she started feeling like she wanted more, whilst his hands were starting to explore more and more of her, each time.

He got closer to her and bended over for a kiss, smiling. He planned a very short kiss, but even a few moments after he pulled back she kept her eyes closed and her small mouth half open, a sign she wished for more.

"What?" he asked chuckling, seeing that April opened her eyes and just looked at him in silence. She didn't answer; instead, she put her arms around his neck, tilted her head to the right and kissed him, this time deeply and more passionate. He gave in at first, but a few moments later he pulled back again, only that this time he wanted to join her on the couch. As he sat right next to her, he put his arms around her back and kissed her, while her hands were finding their way through his soft hair.

"If I'd knew you find a basketball game this exciting, I would have taken you to one a very long time ago", Kevin said, after a while.

April could usually sleep with a guy after four or five dates, if the chemistry was there, but this time she took her time to get used to him, being around him not only as a friend and co-worker, but as a lover, as well.

She loved the smell of shower gel on him, with just a scent of cologne, and his minty breath. She couldn't really control her hands; they were caressing endlessly his upper body. She wanted to touch him below his waist line, but she was too afraid. In their conversations, he finally had the courage to ask him more about how and what exactly he feels beneath injury level, so she was aware of the invisible line where feeling ended, only to reappear again in various spots, along with some control. She knew he could feel pressure on his right thigh, but it felt like he was being touch through a thick plank; she also knew he couldn't feel hot, but did feel cold, to some extent; she knew that even though his injury level was at the waist line, because his spine wasn't completely severed, but damaged, feeling subsided lower than his bellybutton and he did have some hip control. He had told her that statistically speaking, a complete injury occurs very rarely and that usually people gain a lot more control in the first two years. That's why, after he started feeling things, he experimented with his brother and ultimately went out and got reevaluated. There were other incomplete paraplegics who could even walk and had better control over their body. Kevin was somewhere between them and a complete paraplegic and now, almost a decade after the car accident, he knew he'd probably never gain back more control than what he already had.

Their kisses were getting very passionate, as they both decided to lie on the couch, rather than sit next to each other. He positioned himself on top of her and had one hand free to explore her soft body. He was lost in the moment, as was she, but when she started taking his shirt off, he knew they had to talk. He's always hated this; talking before sex, telling a woman that was attracted to him all those stuff she needed to know in order to not be surprised. Whenever he was with someone new, 'the talk' was a necessary route in the so called relationship. He's never had problems with it, usually women would expect things to be far worse than they actually were; just one women freaked out a bit and just took her things and left, but she had agreed to go home with him out of sheer curiosity and a good dose of alcohol. However, women were pretty cool with this. Still, he couldn't understand how they would still be willing to have sex right after that, since him alone found the talk about bodily functions very off-putting. He had tried avoiding it, but realized it was better to give it to them straight before and not having them ask a million questions right in the middle of things.

"April, wait", Kevin pulled back, as he started sitting up.

"What is it?" she said, with a confused look.

"We sort of need to….I have to tell you…what to expect…so that…there wouldn't be any surprises…."

She looked down for a few moments, arranging her blouse so that she was now fully covered. "Yeah, I sort of…I know what you're about to say…"

He arched his eyebrows in surprise and threw his head back. "You researched…me?" He was used to blunt questions, not individual, quiet, investigations, but now that he thought about it, probably more people did that than those who plainly ask. He was amused that April had actually tried to learn more things about it; it showed him she cared. But along with that, he was afraid about all the other stuff he had found out. Did she get to know everything? If so, maybe it was a good sign that she was still able to casually make out with him on his couch and he was sure she would've taken things further if he hadn't opened his mouth.

"A bit…I just…a long time ago. I was too ashamed to ask and I didn't know how you'd react."

He decided to treat this conversation as seriously as he could. "First of all, I'd much rather have you ask then go and try to find out things on your own. And second…what did you find out?", he asked, half grinning.

She was incredibly embarrassed. She hated talking about bathroom stuff altogether, she treated that like it didn't exist. How could she tell him oh, so casually everything she's read about? She took a deep breath and answered his questions.

"I know….I know about catheters", she paused a bit as she searched his face for clues about his thought. "And…about sex…I know that some men can…do it…on their own…other can with some…pharmaceutical help…and other can't at all." She also found out that he might not be able to have kids or at least through not traditional ways, but having children was never on her high priority list and even if it were, it was way too early to think about that.

Kevin smiled, a bit mischievously. "So, basically, you've got nothing on me."

She chuckled as she realized he was right. "Wow…I've never thought about it this way…but…yeah…I guess now my questions have just multiple answers, aren't open to any sort of answer…anymore…"

He smiled as he kissed her briefly, in an attempt to make her feel more comfortable with the entire discussion. "Um…about…about the catheter part…you….don't have to worry about that. You won't see any of those. That part is mine to handle and I handle it pretty well, every four or so hours." Yeah, no matter how often he's had to give this speech, it didn't make things less embarrassing for him.

"About…about the other part", he went on, "I am…fully functional on my own...about eight out of ten time. It might sort of…not last…sometimes…and…that's what I wanted to tell you…so there wouldn't be any surprises…it's reflex…which means it only works by touch…and…Man, this whole thing blows!" Kevin sighted as he rubbed his eyes with his hands. April wasn't very keen on everything either, but she knew she wanted him to feel OK about this, although she wasn't sure of her own feelings. What she was certain about was that she wanted to try it with him. He took her silence as a sign he could go on, also informing her that while he did have some sensation, it was very vague; he had to give her the five cents tour of his body and tell her about a few things, things it's taken years for him to learn about.

She leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek; she had so many more questions but she figured that she might learn other things from experience. She decided to treat the whole thing as normal as it could be and soon, as all clothes started to fall, all her fears vanished, as well as his concerns. Much to her surprise, she has never felt as comfortable with anyone else, nor things felt so natural. April pulled him closer in a deep kiss, trying to feel him physically close so she could talk more openly about intimate matters.

"Do you…do you enjoy it?"

Kevin smirked. "I'm more like a…lesbian now" he answered as they both laughed. "I do like it. I also have a bit of feeling, but you're going to have to work a little harder than the usual", he said as he looked her straight in the eyes.

They kissed again for a few more moments, but Kevin pulled back again and looked down. "There's something else you should now", he said, very seriously.

"What?" April was trying to act all casually, but truth is, she was a bit terrified of the extra stuff she had to find out.

"I have….a dot", he said, sheepishly, looking still very serious.

"A what?" she wasn't really sure what that was, she never came across that word in her searches and she was getting anxious.

"About two years ago I went to this tattoo place to get something cool done on my back, where the…the scar is, but turns out I have some feeling near my spine, even lower than my supposed level. The guy didn't even get to stung me more than once, but the time he finished telling me that it might hurt a little where I have feeling, I was already home. So now I only have a dot…"Kevin started laughing really hard.

"I'm gonna kill you!"April said, as she started laughing herself, relieved. With a sudden move, she straddled him and pushed on his shoulders until his back was straight against the couch. She giggled a bit more, and then kissed him passionately.

As things progressed, April jumped from the couch and before Kevin could say anything, she turned off the light.

"Um…April?"

"Mmmm?"

"Do you mind? The lights?"

"What?"

"I sort of like them on", he offered.

April looked at him, trying to see his face expression in the dark. That was something she's never done.

"Oh. Um…Really?" she asked, sheepishly, half trying to hide her distress.

"Well yeah, I mean, if you're not…"

"No, it's ok", April said, as she went for the lights again, thin time turning them on.

They tried getting back to where they were, but Kevin was sensing something was off with her, constantly fudging and not really being an active participant.

"You're bothered by it. I can't believe it", Kevin said, arching his eyebrows.

"What? Please", she tried to downplay it.

"Admit it, the light bothers you!"

April was blushing terribly and didn't know how to end the conversation faster. "I guess…I…um…"she stammered, "I don't really…um…like um…the thought of…people…looking at me…all of me."

Kevin gave her an incredulous look. He thought she'd be bothered by the light because of him, not really wanting to be blindsided with his lifeless legs, not because of her. "You obviously don't have a mirror at home!"

April covered her face with the palms of her hands.

"You're….shy…?"

She rolled her eyes. "I am not!"

He smiled adoringly, pulled her closer and kissed her. Then, without taking his eyes off her, transferred back to his chair, turned the lights off, pulled her on his lap and wheeled to the bedroom.

* * *

><p>"Your mattress feels weird", April finally said, frowning, breaking the blissful silence between them after they had taken the time to catch their breath.<p>

"Yeah, it's sort of special", Kevin answered.

It did took longer than she expected and it took a lot more talking than she was accustomed to, but April couldn't believe how amazing he made her feel…twice. After she was done, she had to take care of him, giving him the same treatment, by kissing and insisting on spots he indicated. It felt strange, but in a exciting way, seeing him get so much pleasure mostly form him upper body.

"Oh, man!", April chuckled as she covered her eyes with her hands.

"What?"

"I can't believe I'm here. I sort of feel like..I've plotted this whole thing…". Kevin looked at her confused, which made her finish her thought. "I sort of…had this huge crush on you", she said, almost blushing.

He wasn't very surprised on the fact that she had a crush on him; however, he was surprised she would go ahead and admit it.

"Awwww", Kevin let out, a bit more jokingly.

"I knew I shouldn't have told you!"April sank lower, burring her nose in his neck.

"No, I sort of…had this huge crush on you too. For a while now".

She stretched her arms and caressed his back, bringing him on top of her, in a deep kiss.

She closed her eyes, trying to fight away the sight of the basketball game she had attended. Ever since she started to get accustomed to him, she placed Kevin somewhere in the middle; he wasn't able bodied, but he wasn't disabled. He was just different. She hated that term; for her, disabled was someone who needed constant caring, a lot of medical attention, someone whose life would revolve around the disability. She didn't want to put Kevin in that category and she didn't want to meet other like him. He was unique. He was hers; he could be everything she had wanted.

She shook her head then got lost in the way her body was starting to feel as she felt his lips on her thighs, moving closer to that warm spot again.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N**. I know I posted a while back a version of this chapter, when I was fighting with writer's block and sorry for that. I'll post a new one in a few days, anyway.

And did I mention how much this story means to me? Well, I'm gonna say it again; throughout all the years I've been writing, this feels closest to my heart. It might be because I feel like I've polished my writing since my teen years. Special thanks to moms5thchild, it means a lot that April got through to you. And thanks to everyone who keeps reading. Also, whenever I write something, I try and keep it as close to reality as possible and I'm really trying that really hard with this story. And I'm hoping Kevin's still in character, although that might be hard, since so many years have passed and I think even if the show would still be on air, he'd be a different person than he was seven years ago.

Last note – I didn't mention it until now, but this story spreads on a period of 2+ years.

* * *

><p>After the initial 'honeymoon' phase, when all she could see was Kevin, April was starting to be aware of how other people would treat her, when she was with him. She didn't mind picking up things from the higher shelves at the supermarket; what she did mind was when strangers kept staring at them.<p>

At first, she had thought that it was funny and she liked to make a point in kissing him in front of all sorts of curious looks. But soon all her doubts came back at the speed of light.

The most recent incident happened while they were having some drinks after work, at a cozy café and it made April feel more uncomfortable than she had ever been, in her life. On her way to the bathroom, she was approached by a guy who broke the ice with the now classic "I think you're doing a wonderful thing". He didn't look like the everyday ignorant, he seemed charming and genuinely interested in her; he just wanted her number, the thought that she was actually on a date not crossing his mind for a second. To him, April was just a nurse or a therapist of someone with a big heart, who took her client out for a change. Instead of not paying any attention to him, she stayed put, listening to his speech while looking at Kevin, who was oblivious to the whole situation, playing with his phone. When she went back to Kevin, she just told him how she hates the bar and how they should immediately leave.

Kevin was starting to feel that something was wrong between them, but never tried to open an entire conversation. Instead, he just asked 'what?' whenever she was too lost in her thoughts, to which she'd reply 'nothing' and kiss him softly. They have been seeing each other for almost two months and whatever was wrong between them, Kevin just hoped it would disappear in time.

He noticed how she was more willing to stay in than go out for a movie or to grab something to eat and how she was always giving him reasons why she felt like having an apartment date. Too cold to go out, it's snowing again, they're never get a good table at this hour, there's not even one good movie at the cinema, she's tired, she'd rather spend the entire evening in bed with him than at some café, and so on.

April couldn't help the way she was feeling; she hated it, but she hated the stares more. Whenever they were out, all she could see was pairs of eyes staring at them, judging them, making assumptions about their life. About her. What's so wrong with her that she couldn't get a normal guy? – was the only thing she could hear in her head.

She began thinking that everyone was staring at them and she couldn't cope with that. She kept saying to herself that things were only going to get better in time, that she'd get used to it and she wouldn't notice, nor mind anything. She kept saying to herself that she likes him enough to get over it; she was enjoying him, his company, more than she even imagined and she didn't understand how she could feel so good with him, only to have the spell broken whenever they left his apartment. If at first she felt like enduring everything only not to miss him anymore, as she did whenever they weren't seeing each other, soon things got out of hand and even the slightest mention of his 'special needs' would make her cringe. Even the smallest things got on her nerves and made her unable to concentrate on anything else; she didn't like it even when he remained in his chair when out at a restaurant. She'd much rather have him hop on the chair or bench of said restaurant so she could pretend everything was just fine with him; she hated waiting by the car door the three extra minutes it got him to get in and out of the vehicle, to dissemble and reassemble his chair and to put it in the back seat

Kevin, on the other hand, was lying to himself, being too enamored and afraid of losing her to put too much thought into her behavior. That all changed, however, when, at an evening out with their former co-workers, he kept reaching for her hand, above the table. After unsuccessfully trying to hold her hand and somehow show people that they were together, Kevin noticed April was going out of her way to make things casual between them. She hadn't been this cold even at the beginning of their friendship. He knew better than this; even if his heart was racing for answers, even if all he could think about was the confrontation they were going to have, he made a point in not making a scene and played her game along. She didn't want anyone to find out they were together so he tried to accommodate her wishes.

And she was very aware that her only fear was what people would think about her. Would they think she's too broken for and able-bodied man, that Kevin was her last chance at romance? She knew how ridiculous her thoughts were and she would've given the world to be able to feel differently, but she had no control whatsoever.

* * *

><p>"So…there's this…there's this play I've been wanting to see for a long time….", April tried her luck, very much aware of the tension in the car.<p>

He stopped in front of her apartment building, stood there in silence, listening to her and making a point in avoiding her look.

"…It's on Saturday. Well, not this Saturday, because I don't think there would be any tickets left, it's next week and I was thinking if we could…"

"Yeah, I'm not so sure about my schedule…so I can't really make any plans. I might be working", Kevin answered, looking out the window.

April nodded and eased back into her seat, taking a big breath. She could either confront this or leave it like that, hoping it will all go away in time. But she knew things are only going to get worse.

"Are you upset about something? You barely said a word all night", she finally offered.

Kevin didn't say anything; instead, he rested his chin in his hand, thinking how to handle this. He knew the speech she was going to give very well and half of him wanted to yell at her and make her get out of the car faster, while the other half just wanted to tell her they can continue hiding until the end of days. But thinking about it only made him even angrier and this anger took over everything else.

He was angry at her for being immature, for playing, for not knowing what she really wants. He was angry at her for being superficial and for caring too much about what others think; he was really mad at her for entering this without thinking through, without really thinking about the implications; he hated her for making him feel vulnerable again and hoping and dreaming that this might work, for all the lies he had told himself that the wheelchair doesn't matter if there's enough love in the middle.

He hated her for making him feel normal, but most of all he was angry at himself for letting her do this to him, for making him fall so hard, so deeply and so madly in love with her. He was angry at himself for letting his guard down so fast, for not testing her at first, for not asking her how she felt about his chair first and just jumping head first into something that felt more real than anything else.

He was angry at his father, for not buying him his own car so that Andy Baker didn't have to give him rides all the time, he was angry at Beth, for not trying to make him stay with her longer, that night at the party, he was angry with Andy, who felt invincible and he was angry with himself because he couldn't change any of what happened.

He wanted to hurt her and for things to be over already, yet he still lingered, thinking about the endless sadness that will take over him tomorrow morning.

April realized he wasn't going to say anything, so she went on. She tried to act like all was fine, but she knew the reason of his silence.

"I just…I don't know what happened. I want to say that was reflex, but that makes it even worse. I want to say that I did it because I wasn't ready for your friends – our friends - to find out about us, but that's only half true"

Her eyes were getting watery and her voice was cracking. She cared about him too much to lie, though.

"I'm so sorry. It's just….I'm so sorry for being like this and feeling like this and…", she said, while tears were falling on her cheek.

Kevin turned to her. He wanted to say that it's ok, that she's not a bad person, and that everything will be fine, but he couldn't. He kept opening his mouth to say something, but words were too stubborn and didn't make it out. And he was too angry.

"This is so stupid", April went on "and it's even crazier that I am very much aware how absurd my feelings are. I just…At first it was ok and all those looks amused me. Or when perfect strangers, who had no right to ask me anything about my life asked me if we're having sex and be amazed of the normality of that or when old ladies told me I'm a saint or some woman saying I'm stronger than she ever will, because she couldn't "do it"…it was funny at the beginning but now I'm just...what's wrong with all these people? And I hate it that it bothers me, but I feel so much pressure and…"

"Yeah, well, maybe I should just do whatever people expect me to do and be miserable and date only fellow gimps, cause, you know each to his own, right?", Kevin offered, coldly.

"I didn't mean that! When I'm with you, I don't really miss anything…I mean…there are things I think about, things I had never considered before, but…"

"So what do you think this is? One of your stories? Something to escape from reality? What did you think? That as long as you deny it, as long as you talk yourself into thinking I'm just a normal guy who happens to be doing everything from a sitting position everything is just fine?" Kevin couldn't control himself; his anger took over and he found himself shouting at her.

"That is not what I…", April defended herself, almost sobbing.

"Wake up, April! This…", he said, as he slapped his thigh, "this is what's real and I've learned a long time ago that this is not going to change. This is what I am!"

"I know that! You think I don't? I just….find myself…not knowing what to do!"

"Let me make it easier for you here", he said, while opening the car door, on her side, implying he wants her out, but she didn't budge.

"I hate it that one accident changed your life so much. I don't think I could…not think about what could've been, for you. I hate it that it influences all aspects of your life…that's not fair."

"Well, life's not fair, right? And…I have to…get up in the morning so…", he gestured again she has to get out of the car.

"Can I…"

"No", Kevin answered, without actually letting her ask.

The air in the car was getting very cold, since the door was left opened for so long. April felt a surge of sadness going through her and just wanted him to take her in his arms and kiss her. She wanted to take it all back, the whole night, but it was too late.

She jumped right out of the car and didn't look back, but only heard him drive away instantly. She opened the front door and went into the apartment building, went up the stairs and stopped in front of her apartment door. She nervously unlocked the door, went in, and then shut it. She leaned on the wall in her hallway and broke down in tears.

* * *

><p>Kevin parked the car, pulled up the hand break and shut the engine. He then pulled back his car seat as much as it allowed and opened the door. He reached back for the frame of his chair from the back seat of the car and out it outside; he then took one wheel at a time, assembled his wheelchair and, after he made sure the break was on, he transferred to his chair. He swung his left foot and placed it in its spot, then he dragged his right one, the one he had some control over. He swung shut the car door, set up the alarm and went inside the building.<p>

Taking of his hat in the hallway, while waiting for the elevator, he caught his reflection in a big mirror and just stared at himself. No matter how hard he'd try, no matter what he'd say or do, those two big wheels he was sitting on were the only thing that mattered about him.


	14. Chapter 14

He had always taken very good care of himself. His personal care was demanding and took a bit more time, but Kevin made sure he was always healthy and in very good condition. He was a bit of a clean freak before his accident – mostly because of the many physical activities he was involved in – and that hadn't change afterwards. As soon as April was out of his car, when he decided everything was over between the two of them, he thought he's just take some brooding time that night and be done with her. In reality, a few days later he had to take some time off from work because he found himself unable to get out of bed each morning and face a new day.

He didn't really care about anything at first; he went to visit his parents, hoping he'll keep his mind busy; he's even tried to take the snow out of the driveway, at their house. Doing that with very few clothes on, at the end of a very cold February, got him a very nasty cold. That, along with his inability to care about what was going on with him anymore, and his ignorance of a few hints his body was given him, made Kevin the perfect candidate for an UTI, one that actually required hospitalization.

* * *

><p>"Hello?...Kev?" Luke let himself in the apartment, looking around for his brother.<p>

He didn't hear any response. He was starting to get a bit anxious. All he got was a text from Kevin telling him his chair broke and he can't get up. As he progressed through the living room, he saw Kevin's chair all broken. He was a bit afraid for his brother; with him, he always felt like he was walking on eggshells while growing up. Luke had never thought he'd think of himself more fortunate than his brother. Everyone wanted to be Kevin Girardi in high school. Now, not even Kevin Girardi wanted to be himself. Luke, however, was more proud now of his brother, of all the things he managed to accomplish and he knew how hard he had to fight to get what he wanted, how hard it was for him to ask Luke for help.

He found Kevin lying on the floor, his back rested on the bathroom door, looking clearly sick, with his hands on his lap. His jeans were wet a bit. He paused at the image a bit; he was used to him not having control on all aspects of his life, he was used to helping him from time to time. He was used to Kevin's bad days, when his body wasn't behaving properly, when all he could remember he was once normal. Luke tried to take the situation as calmly as he could.

"What happened?" He didn't know whether to help him up as fast as he could or to wait for an invitation.

Kevin was having trouble looking him in the eye. He was feeling embarrassed, ashamed, useless. What woman in her right mind would want to deal with all this?

"A screw…or something..broke…I tried crawling, I wanted to get cleaned up, but this is as far as I made it. I would've…I called dad, but his phone is shut off…I didn't feel like putting mom through all this all over again…so…"

Luke took a step further, but stopped again. He bent down and tried to help Kevin up.

"This isn't going to work, I'm heavier than you, you can't carry me anywhere."

Luke took a step back. "I can bring a kitchen chair…And I've…I've been working out…a little", he tried a little half joke, but then realized Kevin was in no mood for kidding around.

"No, get my sports chair. It's in the trunk of my car. Keys are on the table."

Luke didn't say a word, just ran out of the house and down the stairs, to the parking lot. He had no patience for the elevator. He knew how to assemble a wheelchair and although he wanted to help, when he got back, he let Kevin get from the floor to his chair by himself. He just got him a towel to put on the cushion first.

"Thanks", Kevin said, still not looking at him, as he tried to wheel in the bathroom.

"Kev, are you…are you ok?", Luke said, leaning on the wall.

"Give me a minute, ok?"

As he waited for his brother to change and clean up himself, Luke was starting to feel useless himself. He couldn't even imagine what Kevin was going through. There was barely anything left in him of that little boy who had the world at his feet. Now he, Luke, the geek, the small, skinny blond dork, had to protect his athlete brother from time to time.

"You can go now, it's ok", Kevin told Luke, getting out of the bathroom.

"I can stay…if you…if you want me to…or…I mean, I don't have anything else to do", Luke lied, since running to his brother meant canceling a date with Karen.

"No, it's ok...you can go", Kevin said, as he looked in the closet for some pants.

"You don't really look ok…"

"I caught a cold, that's all."

"You know…Karen…Karen's a doctor…she's doing an internship in ER."

Kevin didn't respond him, he just shoot Luke a "there's no way in hell I'm getting checked up by your girlfriend" look.

"I mean…I'm not saying that…just…um… …"

"Luke, my head is pounding, so I'm just going to get some sleep, ok?"

"At 6 PM?"

He was in fact feeling horribly, but didn't quite care, because that meant taking time off work and sleeping all day, which left him very little time to think about April. He rarely had any bladder accidents now, and when he did, it was probably a sign for infection. He hoped this one would pass on its own, but as days went by, he found himself feeling worse, not better.

* * *

><p>Kevin had been in the hospital for two days, but it felt like forever to him. He checked his e-mails and put all his hopes into some good hours of really bad television, to help him sleep. He was mindlessly zapping through channels, like a ritual before sleep that he's done in all those dark nights after the accident, or in rehab.<p>

"Hi."

He turned to the door, a bit startled. He saw April standing in the door frame, holding her coat. She seemed dressed for a glamorous evening out and she was wearing eye shadow and more make up he's ever seen her with, a sign that she had been somewhere important. He looked away, without responding, deciding to ignore her.

She was taken aback by the sight of him; dark circles under his pale blue eyes, messy hair that looked like he hasn't taken care of it in a long time. He also hasn't shaved the last few days. April wasn't used to him like this and seeing him looking so awful frightened her more than she expected.

"You're not going to say anything?", she spoke again, knowing full well she'll have to fight his silence a bit more.

"What do you want?" Kevin asked, still zapping, still not looking at her.

"I found out you were in the hospital and I wanted to see why…and how you're feeling."

"Part of your good deed for the week?"

April just ignored his comment, hoping he'll come around soon, if she doesn't bite the bait. They hadn't said a word to each other since their break up and she had to think hard before deciding to pay him a visit. She was unsure of his reaction, but she knew she had to see if he's OK. Her feelings haven't changed, regarding a possible …something… between them, but she genuinely cared about him.

"Why didn't you tell me you were in the hospital?" she asked, calmly.

"Oh, you didn't get my e-mail? I've sent one to all in my contacts list about this. With a complete 'It's a cripple life' guide."

"Kevin…I didn't come here to fight. I was worried."

"Yeah, well…this", Kevin said, pointing to the bed he was lying in, "this is what sometimes happens when every four hours you have to stick a catheter in…"

She was facing a wall and it was clear she couldn't break it anytime soon. "Ok. Fine, you know what? Maybe this was a mistake", April interrupted him, angrily. She threw a magazine on the small table next to the bed and headed for the door.

Kevin closed his eyes for a few seconds, exhaled sharply, then shouted after her. He though he wasn't as nearly as hard on her as she deserved, but the truth was he didn't want her to leave.

"April….wait."

"What?", she challenged him.

"What are you doing here?" Kevin was still a bit too proud to apologize for his attacks.

She came back; getting closer to him, she noticed his slightly red eyes. Has he been crying? He glanced in the room a bit; there were two chairs in one corner, by the window, but his wheelchair was closer. April didn't think about it, just sat down. She realized she had never tried to sit in his chair; she sat in his lap on numerous occasions, but she never tried to look at things from his perspective, sort of speak. It was a lot more comfortable than she imagined. She didn't like it that the back rest was too low, so she had nothing to lean back on. How could he spend a whole day like that? The footplate was almost under the seat, which felt to her like keeping her feet under her chair, at the desk, something she's always found uncomfortable. But then again, he couldn't really feel his feet and he needed them to be as much as out of the way as possible. There were no armrests either. She had to keep her hands on the wheels or on the rims. She was starting to feel uncomfortable.

But she didn't have enough time to get used to his chair, since Kevin finally looked at her and seeing her in his wheelchair – in a wheelchair – almost made him sick to his stomach. He couldn't see her like that; there was no way she was sitting in…that thing.

But before he could say anything, April jumped out of his chair and went across the room to get a normal one. After a few more moments of silence, she finally spoke again.

"I brought you a magazine. I know you kept saying you want a new car so I figured you might as well check some models."

"Where are you coming from, a date?", he snorted. He wanted to hurt her at least as bad he hurt him.

"No", April answered, emphasizing the word. "I had a book launch. And Mark was there. He was the one who told me about…about you. It's funny, you know, because…", she continued, looking at her hands and playing nervously with her fingers, "he was very surprised I didn't know…where you were. Apparently everyone assumed we were…together. Actually, even for a longer time than we'd really dated. Kinda ironic, if you think about it."

April smiled to herself, still looking down and avoiding his gaze.

"Yeah, well…I'm a …rolling irony!", said Kevin, sounding more like hurt and vulnerable than bitter and sarcastic.

"I'm sorry…Man…I just…I feel like such an awful person", she said, jumping straight to the point, her voice cracking a bit.

Kevin shook his head back to reality. What was the use of blaming her? Things wouldn't change even if he'd make her feel like hell.

"I know this is my fault and trust me, Kevin, the last thing I wanted was to hurt you…or hurt myself. And it's stupid because I've come to know how…how…much I…like having you in my life". Talking about her feelings wasn't something April was good at. She hadn't seriously said 'I love you' to anyone, which was funny because she had said it just like that, very casually, to some of her former boyfriends, although she wasn't even close to loving them. Kevin suspected she was on the verge of saying something really important and decided to interrupt her before that, so that she wouldn't regret afterwards.

"April. Listen. You're not…a…bad…person. You're not. You're a…normal woman…who wants…normal things and…accepting this…or not…doesn't change who you are. It doesn't say anything about you." Kevin shifted in the bed a bit so that he was almost sitting.

"I keep wondering what could've been…what you could've become…"

"Yeah…I tried that for a while. Thinking about …what should've been…thinking I could live up in my room, at my parents' house forever, without having to face reality…I still want to do that, every once in a while, but I try to go on, trying to have less bad days. And the jock in me sometimes comes out and kicks me in the ass when I'm overdoing the brooding".

April chuckled, since she witnessed a few bouts of over the top self confidence since they've met.

"I…understand…I do…", Kevin went on. "Hey, it happens, you know? I'm not…I mean….I don't know how I would've handled it if our places would've been turned. I have to…I have to live with this and... And…so does my family, we were never given a choice. But everyone else does and…trying to force this on someone…just doesn't seem right. I'm not trying to be the bigger person in this, I'm really not. I'm mean…if we're going to talk goodness, you're a much, much better person than I am". He chuckled nervously, but went on. "I'm petty…and…revengeful, and I kind of hold grudges…and I do consider myself better than others and I'm still egocentric".

"Kevin…"

"But I can't hide…I won't. I actually like my life; it's now what I'd imagined, but hey, it's good and I like it. And I'm not going to pass on all the good stuff because of one bad thing. And I'm not going to sell myself short and be with someone that only sees the bad thing and isn't able to concentrate on the good parts. Hey, we've tried, it didn't work out, it happens and it's OK". He smiled sincerely, letting her know she was off the hook.

"It's not that simple…I just…I want to be with you so much…", April tried to explain herself.

"In theory", Kevin added, which only showed just how well he knew her. She looked up at him and knew how right he was. In theory…in her imagination…just not in real life. "Hey, we're Ok. It's…it's cool."

She nodded and smiled, looking at the magazine she had brought him. "I hope you'll get well soon."

"It's nothing, don't worry about it", he smiled back.

She got up and headed to the door, turning back again to say goodbye. She put her coat on, smiled again, and then left for good.

Kevin shifted in his bed a bit more, trying to reposition himself more comfortably. He turned on the TV again, ignoring his hands, trembling from emotion, and took a sip of water from a bottle next to him. He looked down for a second, then out on the hallway, to see if she really was gone. He tried to focus harder on what was showing on TV, but he couldn't help the tears that were forming in his eyes. He took a deep breath and tried to wipe his eyes, before the tears would start falling. He was a man, he wasn't going to cry anymore. He had done a lot of that a long time ago. He tilted his head back, rested on the soft pillow, wiped a bit his right eye, than his left one, let out a cough and concentrated on the television.

He was used to being without things he wanted; hoping for the impossible was a second nature to him now. To him, April was just another piece of the Universe he only got a glimpse of, without being allowed to keep. He had aimed too high this time.

It truly was an irony. Growing up, all he cared about when it came to women – girls – was to be handsome enough for them. Now, all he cared was to find someone he too liked that could concentrate not only on the outside.


	15. Chapter 15

"I really, really dislike this bar said Claire, while taking another sip of her drink.

April was bored, stirring her cocktail, sitting with an elbow on the table and her head in her hand. "We could go somewhere else, if you want", she answered, not really caring.

"Naaah, it's too late. I gotta go home soon."

"How's your arrangement with Barry going on?"

"So far, too great. Apparently all that time we've spent apart helped him realize that I too want to go out after work and I too have friends and things to do outside taking care of the baby and making sure he's got a clean house and a hot meal waiting for him", Claire offered, surprised a bit about how well things were going on between her and her husband.

"Oh, well, that's nice", April answered with no real concern about her friend's marriage. Claire picked up on that and started questioning her.

"You're highly enthusiastic!"

"What?" April sat upright in her seat. "No, I'm happy for you. I want things to go well between you and Barry. You guys are great together…"

"We are, but what's up with you? Please don't tell me you don't feel too great about this job either!" Claire was almost afraid of April's moods, always wanting what she could not have and not wanting it anymore when she would get it. She cared deeply about her friend and understood a lot where her emotional imbalance came from, but sometimes, she just wanted to kick her whiney ass back into the world.

"No, come on…no…it that what you think of me? I love my job…It's just…Kevin and I sort of broke up…"

"Sort of broke up?"

"We broke up."

"When?"

"…about two weeks ago."

"Two weeks ago? And you've waited this long to tell me?"

"I didn't really want to talk about it for a while…And I felt that lately Kevin and I was the only thing I was talking about so…I needed a break. And hey, I got it for good."

"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. Are you ok?"

"Yeah, you know…", April said, smiling wryly. "It was bound to end sooner or later. And sooner works much better, since things would've become complicated in time…and I really don't feel like going through men drama right now."

"Riiight. And you sound so ok with everything right now…"

"No, I am. I mean, I will be. I guess you were right, I shouldn't have gotten into this without being 100 percent sure I'll be able to do it."

"This really isn't about who was right and who wasn't and I'm really sorry for what you're going through right now. And you guys were friends for a long time, it's not like you jumped him on a whim."

April smiled and nodded. "Yeah. I went to see him a few days ago in the hospital. I barely kept myself together."

"Oh, right, he's been there a few days, is he OK?", Claire asked, clearly concerned.

"Wait, you knew about this?" April was very surprised. "And you didn't tell me?"

"I thought you knew!" Her friend defended herself.

"Yeah, that seemed to be the general consensus", April answer bitterly, remembering that everyone her and Kevin knew from the paper assumed they were an item so she would know before them what was going on with him.

"So…"Claire waited for clarification. "Why was he in the hospital?"

"Oh, just a kidney infection, something like that", April retorted, like it wasn't a big deal.

"Just a kidney infection? Isn't that a bit serious?"

"Apparently it's pretty common. I remember him saying that he hasn't been sick in like two years or so…."April shook her head a bit. "It's just…he takes so much care of himself and this going on so soon after we…It just makes me think that maybe it's my fault. That maybe he didn't really care about what was going on with him anymore…at least now…"

"April!" Claire almost yelled at her friend so she would snap out of it. "I'm sorry, honey, but sometimes things happen even without you interfering. Kevin's a big boy, I'm guessing he'd know by know what to do and not do."

"Yeah…you're right…you're right."

She kept saying to herself that it was better like this, it was better it ended before they got too lost in feelings, but she couldn't really deny how utterly broken she felt and how every night she still cried herself to sleep. Some nights she had to fight with herself not to call him and others she would just write up in a message that never got sent all the things she wished she'd told him. She played this little game with herself, every time she was about to call him, she would close her eyes and see if she could picture them together, in the long run, if she could cheer for him every Saturday as he played basketball with others like him and stand next to the other official girlfriends and wives and feel normal and at ease with her being there, not ashamed or afraid of looks. And every time she could not picture them doing anything else than lying in each other's arms, in the comfort and safety of his bedroom. And with that, she knew that nothing had changed, that she was still not up for it and that talking to him and stirring up things again wouldn't do any of them any good.

Even after a could couple of months, she kept Kevin on the back of her mind all the time, but focused on work and her life as it was now. She had decided to take some time off from men altogether since she was comparing everyone to Kevin and for her, he was the one winning all the contests. She knew some men that have been interested in her for a long time; some were better looking than Kevin, but not to her; some were a better catch, but not to her. She hated Kevin for being so perfect, apart from one, small, disadvantage and she hated all the other men for walking, but not being nearly as great as he was to her.

* * *

><p>Kevin was lying on the couch, with the remote control in one hand. From the small table next to him, his phone was waiting patiently for him to decide. The thought haunted him the entire day and after all his trials and tribulations, he still hadn't reached a decision yet. Will he harm her more than do her any good? It was April's birthday and although he knew how alone she usually felt around this time of year and although he only wanted to show her there still are people who care about her, they hadn't spoken to each other in two months, so calling her out of the blue wasn't really easy to do. He also knew that their somewhat mutual friends stopped inviting out, taking his part and not wanting things to be too weird. Maybe in time they will be friends again, but for the time being, he just wanted to make sure things were going OK with her.<p>

After a bit of second guessing, he decided to take the mature route and call her to say 'Happy Birthday'. He got up, reached for his phone and with a deep breath, he called her. He closed his eyes, his heart jumping to his throat, as he heard her voice saying 'hello'.

"Hi", he abruptly said, after a big pause. "Did I…are you busy?"

"No, I'm just…I just got back home, I was out a bit. With Claire. We've…we've been…um…"

"Right. Um…how…how is she?" Shit, just get to the point. "Happy birthday!", he blurted out.

April was at least as nervous as him. She hadn't heard from him in a long time. She was sure he was over her as sure she was she wasn't really over him. The fact that he remembered her birthday made her realize again that he really did care about her. Or cared.

"Thank you. And thank you for remembering."

"You're…welcome", he thought for a second to lie to her by saying that he only remembered because he had put a reminder in his phone about a year ago, but then realized that that kind of lie would annul the whole point of his phone call. "Did you have a good day?"

She sat down on her bad, looking down. "Yeah. It was great", she lied.

"How's…how's work?"

"Challenging. And exciting. And great."

"That's great. That's…I…I could be leaving the paper soon…"

She couldn't understand from his tone of voice whether he was excited about it or not. "Oh…Really?"

"Yeah, but don't tell Claire, things are not settled yet so I don't want the HR people to find out about this. I…there was an opening at ESPN. It's mostly what I've been doing here, a bit more challenging though…but it is ESPN, so…I'm in my final…trials…they'll let me know by next week…."

"Wow, that's amazing. That really is. And I'm sure you'll get it! Do you get to be on TV?"

"Nah, it's mostly writing for the site, but from time to time I could appear as a guest on some of the talk shows".

Neither of them said anything for a while and the silence was getting more and more awkward.

"So…anyway…Happy Birthday, again…and…you know, all that."

"Thanks…"

After their break up, all he could think about was his accident and how maybe it would've been better if he had not survive it at all. He thought that every time he made peace with things and started feeling normal for a change, something like April happened which made him lose all his self confidence. He wasn't thinking of himself as disabled, he was just some random guy that just happened to use an alternative mean of locomotion and her leaving him like that only reminded him that he wasn't really Average Joe.

But now, his true self was ready to come of the ashes and to make him accept himself again. If she couldn't cope with that, her loss, he wasn't going to mourn a seven weeks long relationship forever. He was done. Some women will refuse him, some, like April, won't be able to make up their mind, but there were still some that would just be charmed enough by his looks and wits that they wouldn't care.

Kevin put down his phone and stared at her name on the screen. After a moment, he reached for it again and deleted her number, all their conversations and all the pictures he hadn't dared to look at in months. With her, he was done.

* * *

><p>AN: Hey, if you've come this far, why not drop a line? :D Anyways, three more chapters and I'm done. Sometimes, I just feel like posting it all at once, but where's the charm in that? :)


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** This takes place about five months after the previous chapter. Oh yeah, and Joan's in this chapter. Enjoy :) (Not sure if I mentioned it before, but English isn't my mother tongue so excuse any weird phrasing.)

* * *

><p>"Sweetie, would you like me to bring you another drink?", a petite brunette sitting next to him asked Kevin.<p>

"No, I'm fine, thanks", he answer, softly kissing her neck, which made her giggle a little. He was sitting in the middle of the couch, with one hand over his girlfriend's shoulders.

Even though they weren't colleagues anymore, Kevin and Mark had stayed very close friends. So when his friend decided to throw a big part for his 30th birthday, Kevin was among the first to get an invitation. Mark's apartment was rather small and crowded, filled with dozens of his friends. Everyone was drinking, talking and some were dancing, having a great time. Being early October, the weather was warm enough so that few were even on the balcony, trying to spot good looking women that passed on the street, even so close to midnight. Mark had a lot of friends, and as he pointed out earlier in the evening, most of them were women. He had a small not so appropriate pleasure, remaining friends with the women he had casually dated; and those weren't a few. And since Mark had invited several groups – friends from college, from work, even from the gym and some from the hockey team he was in – Kevin didn't feel like meeting new people, so he stayed with Claire, Eric and two more of his former colleagues from The Globe.

Everyone from Kevin's circle of friends voted 'yes' when he's introduced his latest girlfriend, Amanda, a petite, sweet brunette born in the South, who was very friendly and somewhat quirky. She was the type of woman who spoke her mind and called everyone on their misbehavior. She was instantly adored by this set of Kevin's friends when, a few days prior to the party, they all went out for drinks to decide what to buy Mark and a waiter acted like Kevin didn't even exist, not offering him a menu and asking the others about what he would like to order, exactly the same that happened during his first date with April. But unlike April, Amanda made sure that waiter was to never make that mistake again and even if the entire bar heard her speech, she didn't care as long as the message got through. Eventually, they even got a complementary round of drinks.

Amanda couldn't keep her eyes off Kevin, constantly caressing his neck, while he was telling his friends all about a recent show he's written for on ESPN. She was clearly very proud of him, mesmerized by him. Things were going at a faster pace there; he had days when he only had to write news, sometimes he had to write analysis that he later had to discuss during a televised show and sometimes he had to write the news for the anchors to present. It was entertaining and he got a lot of credit for his work, which only made him happy.

"Oh, could you take a picture of us, please?", Amanda yelled after a party guest with a camera, sliding even closer to Kevin. "And one more!", she said, as she smiled perfectly for the picture.

Kevin looked at her and smiled, cupping her small face with his right hand and bending over for a kiss. As the photographer left, April appeared from behind him, holding her coat and a gift bag in her hands. Kevin looked up at her in surprise for a moment, then quickly smiled politely and said 'hi'. She couldn't believe that he still had the same effect on her; her knees weren't listening to her anymore and her heart skipped a beat. They hadn't spoken to each other since the phone call on her birthday and they hadn't seen each other way longer than that. How in the world did he get so good looking? She remembered him being attractive, just not this attractive. Maybe it was all due to the fact that the last time she had seen him in the flesh, he was wearing a hospital gown and looked like hell.

She greeted him as well, and everyone else, for that matter, after which her eyes fell on the woman in an autumn dress sitting next to Kevin. April didn't have to guess too much to realize who she was to him. And she was jealous.

"Hi, I'm Amanda!", the brunette sat up and offered her hand.

"I'm April, nice to meet you", she answered candidly. "I…used to work with Kevin."

"Oh, I'm always happy to meet Kevin's friends. You know what they say; 'show me who your friends are and I'll show you who you are'!"

They all continued talking, like there was never an interruption. Mark came and offered April a drink, even sat with this group for some time, so that the entire focus of the conversation was on him. April was only half listening to what was being talked about; she couldn't concentrate and all she wanted to do is catch up with her former lover. She was constantly shooting him looks, hoping no one would see it, especially not him.

* * *

><p>Kevin wheeled into the bedroom, stopping at the sight of April's lower half coming out very nicely from beneath the pile of clothes.<p>

"Argh!" , she let out, desperately, as she jumped on her feet, trying to drag out her coat from underneath.

"That's a new look for you!", Kevin said, amused, startling her.

"Ugh!" April tried to fix her hair a bit and sat on the bed, still holding her coat. "How long have you been sitting there?"

"Um…about a decade now", he answered, looking down at the wheelchair, making it sound like she had asked him how long has it been since the accident.

April smiled and rolled her eyes. He approached the bed and started looking for his and Amanda's coats. After a few minutes of digging, in which he and April kept making fun of people's choice of clothing, they had found what he was looking for. Still, neither of them made any move toward the exit. They sat in silence for a few moments, each playing with the coats in their lap.

"She's very nice", April finally talked. "Amanda, I mean."

"Yeah, I got that you were talking about her", Kevin chuckled nervously. "I'm glad you…like her!"

"How did you two…meet?"

"She had…a crush on me…from TV!"

"Where do you come up with these stories?"

"No seriously", he chuckled. "She has like…five brothers and they are all sports fans. She knows more about football than I…she kinda…keeps her TV only on ESPN. I did a couple of shows this summer, replacing this guy who was vacationing…she watched them and recognized me. She's a waitress at this bar I went to with some friends from college…we started talking…I asked for her number…"

"Wow…so simple!"

"Yeah…turns out, I like simple, lately."

"How long have the two of you…"

"Umm…almost a month now…I guess…Are you…are you seeing anyone?" Kevin asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

"No!" she chuckled. "I gave that up for a while…I think I should…just be on my own...at least for some time. That also means no dating…at all."

Kevin smiled and nodded.

"Hey. Any luck finding them?" Amanda interrupted their conversation as she entered the room, not being really sure about what was going on there.

"The coats! Yes." Kevin answered, as he held them up so that Amanda could see that hiss mission was successful. "I would offer you a ride, but…"Kevin said to April, after Amanda got dressed and was waiting for him by the front door.

"Don't worry about it", April interrupted him, holding up her hand and shaking her head no. "I'll catch a cab...or something".

"Ok. Good night."

"Kevin", she called after him after a moment.

"Yeah?", he answered as he half turned to face her.

"TV suits you. You should do more shows. You were very natural."

He thanked her, surprised. "Since when do you watch sports?"

"I don't. I watched you."

He had no response to that. He nodded goodbye and left, leaving her in the half lit bedroom, all alone.

* * *

><p>"Chocolate chip cookie delight or the vanilla ice cream that I'm hoping you'll choose because I hate?", Joan asked Kevin, grinning and holding up two medium sized buckets of ice cream.<p>

"Whatever you're not having", Kevin answered not really paying attention. He was sitting on his couch, surrounded by pillows, with his laptop on his lap.

"I just told you what I'm not having!" Joan said, rolling her eyes. "Fine!", she went on, as he went back to the kitchen for two bowls and spoons. "Have you decided on the movie? I don't have any preference, as long as it's a bad comedy. David went all snobbish lately and only watches European cult classics. If I see "Last Tango in Paris" one more time I'm gonna kill myself", Joan shouted from the kitchen.

She entered the living room with the ice cream, the bowls and spoons, only to find Kevin still mindlessly surfing the web.

"Hello…movies?"

"Yeah, what?", Kevin finally acknowledged her presence. He removed the computer from his lap and put it aside.

"Have you chosen a movie?" Joan asked, as she kneeled next to the small coffee table and started putting ice cream in his bowl.

"Um…no", he said, as he opened her bucket, then his. "Check the DVDs, see if you want anything."

"Hey, do you have some wine?"

"Yeah…there's ….an opened bottle in the fridge. And another new bottle under the sink."

"Mmmmm… you had a party going on here?" Joan said, smiling and heading for the bottle.

"No, I just opened a bottle a few days ago, when I came home from work."

"Drinking alone? What's the occasion?" Joan asked her brother, as she got back and began pouring wine in the two glasses she brought over from the kitchen.

Kevin took a deep breath to decide how to answer this best. He bent over and took a glass of wine, sipped a bit from it, then put it back on the table.

"I saw April this weekend."

"Oh…how's her skin disease?"

"What skin disease?" Kevin asked, frowning.

"Hm. So it didn't work. I have to try some more. I kept wishing some very, very bad skin disease on her."

"Joan."

"Fine. Did she get very, very fat?"

"Joan!"

She stood up and started browsing through his DVD collection. As he wasn't saying anything anymore, she decided to be serious about it.

"Did you talk to her?"

"Yeah…we did talk for a bit. It just…reminded me of everything...it's weird how after a while you don't remember the bad things…just the good ones…I guess…I never really forgot about her."

"Yeah but...Amanda's great…", Joan offered, as she chose a DVD, then took a seat on the couch next to her brother, with her bowl of chocolate ice cream in her lap.

"Amanda is great", Kevin nodded.

"How often do you have to remind yourself about that?"

Kevin chuckled. "About…every 10 minutes or so…"

"Kev, you should just…give it time. You can't feel so strongly about one person right after the other. And as much as I like Amanda, she's such a rebound material! It's like it's written on her forehead!"

"I know, right?", Kevin laughed. "She's so…perfect…when…"

"…who likes perfection?" Joan finished his sentence.

They both laughed some more, then watched some scenes from the movie Joan had chosen. Also, she couldn't help herself from taking a few spoonfuls of Kevin's ice cream.

"I never really liked April from what you've told me. And I don't think she's that pretty. She doesn't seem too pretty, at least in pictures. I mean...didn't it bother you how small her mouth is? And that thick hair! Who likes thick, long, hair anyway?" Joan looked at his brother as she played with her own very long ponytail. "And she's definitely not going to age well!" Joan was doing her best to cheer up her brother.

"Joan!", Kevin let out, exasperated.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N.** Getting closer to the finish line. As for the book reference here, "The Paradox of Love", I highly recommend it, it's a great read. And it seemed so appropriate for them. Enjoy.

* * *

><p>Two weeks after April ran into Kevin at Mark's party, she found herself still thinking about him. She sometimes closed her eyes and imagined them together, how it would've been if he had been in one piece. She hated how much that thought hurt her, especially since the natural consequence of that was her asking herself whether he would still have been attracted to her if he hadn't been in that chair. She shook her head and imagined them together as he was now, wondering what would have happened if she hadn't spoken her mind the night they broke up. Maybe she would've been all accustomed with the situation by now.<p>

Claire found her sitting alone in a booth, at a bar, looking as pensive as ever.

"Sorry I'm late, couldn't leave work", the blonde woman asked. She flipped through the menu a bit then stopped, noticing something was going on with her friend. April didn't really want to talk about herself, but Claire pushed her enough so she would pour her heart out. Keeping something in was never a good idea; better let it out so that the healing process could begin. Nudged by her friend, April let out all her insecurities and all that went wrong with her relationship with Kevin.

"Wait, that was it?", Claire stopped April, baffled. She wasn't sure what she just heard so she wanted to understand correctly.

"What? What was it?"

"That's the reason you stopped seeing Kevin?"

April wasn't sure why Claire was so surprised; she had thought her friend understood her and knew her better that anyone. "Well…yeah…what did you think?"

Claire crossed her arms and frowned. "Ok, I'm not really sure how to handle this. Sweetie, I know you didn't really have it easy, but you care too much about what others think!"

"And you think I don't know this? You think I don't want to slap myself whenever I find myself thinking about how others perceive me? I hate it…it's a major…disability. "

"So if other people would tell you your hair is actually blond, you'd start thinking that too?"

"What? No, come on, that's a different thing", April tried to defend herself.

"Ok, better example. You'd rather have people think you have a perfect life, envy you and wish for just one moment to be in your shoes, while you cry yourself to sleep every night, or would you rather be perfectly happy and oblivious to whatever everyone else thinks?"

"You don't give me much of a choice, you know?", April sighted. "It's just…all my life I've been judged. All my life I had to lie and hide; every one of my so - called friends in school had thought that I had the coolest father, letting me do whatever I wanted to do; I couldn't really tell them that he didn't really give a damn. In college, I always had to come up with something to explain why I'm not home for the holidays. Do you know how many times I've just been all alone in a dorm room or in an apartment at Christmas, while my roommate back then only thought I don't believe in Christmas or I'm just a big nerd who wants to finish a project and doesn't have time for holidays? I would've told them anything if it kept them finding out that I simply didn't have anywhere to go to, that I'm this big loser no one cares for. I just wish, for once, to be the one that everyone looks up to, and for real reasons, not just for my invented life."

"First of all, you are not a loser! Do you have any idea how many people would kill for what you have? And second, you think other people don't lie? When I was in junior year in high school, I told every single person I knew that I had a boyfriend who's in college. All I talked about was Brad, my imaginary boyfriend and our great sex life. I even pretended to be all upset about our break up after I've fallen for this guy in my social studies class. Imagine how shocked my real boyfriend was when he discovered I was a virgin", Claire told her story, more amused than ashamed.

April was listening to her patiently, trying to find a way to get adjust all of her bad personality traits.

"And do you have any idea how hard it is to find someone to love these days?", Claire went on. "And to have that person love you back? Without settling, I mean. Well, of course you do, you've dated your share of freaks", Claire chuckled, to light up the mood a bit, before going on with her trail of thoughts. "The thing is…if you're going to break up with someone, then be miserable even almost a year later, don't do it because you're afraid of what other people think. Do it because you couldn't handle it, because it feels unnatural or any other things. Just not that."

"Why wouldn't you do it? Be with someone like Kevin, I mean", April questioned Claire, after a moment of silence, reminding her that when they first talked about Kevin, neither of them said that they could be with someone like him.

"I'm just…I tend to…I'd pity him too much. And seeing him struggle with something…anything, would just make me help him, with everything…and I'd probably end up doing everything for him. I know Kevin's self sufficient, but I couldn't stand it, I'd just jump in the middle of it and help him. You know how I'm the mother goose type; I even baby Barry too much. With someone like Kevin…I'd just treat him like a child and there would be no room for romance there. But that has to do with my personality, not with the way people might look at us or what they would think about a woman whose significant other was in a wheelchair."

April nodded, feeling ashamed for herself. There she was, a 29 years old woman, still feeling peer pressure, still not being strong enough to fight for what she wanted. The truth was, she was missing Kevin too much these days; so much that the reasons things between them didn't work felt now even more childish and stupid. She missed the way she was with him and the way she made her feel more than the chair bothered her.

She was somehow seeing things clearer now, even more so after her talk to Claire. She had hoped it wasn't just the longing inside of her making her feel that way regarding his disability; but she couldn't see what the big deal was any longer. He was a fully grown man, perfectly capable of taking care of himself – except maybe for changing a light bulb – who had a great job, earned a bit more money than she did, who was very good looking, in her opinion, and who was able to take care of her, attend her spiritual – and sexual – needs.

Maybe she had to miss him first to take a better look inside of her; maybe she took him for granted. Maybe she was just one of those awful people who only realized what they had after they had lost it.

* * *

><p>April was flipping through a book, reading a few lines here and there. She kept turning the book, looking at the price written on the back, biting her lower lip. She couldn't make up her mind at all. She did some mental math, calculating her finances, than put the book down, deciding it was too expensive. A hand that came from somewhere in the back picked up the book again and read the title.<p>

"Pascal Bruckner – The Paradox of Love?"

She turned around and felt her heart pounding in her chest. There he was, Kevin, eyebrows raised, questioning her about her choice of literature, looking more ravishing than ever, in jeans, a white shirt with a blue tie and a dark blue blazer with the sleeves pulled up by his elbows.

"It's an internationally acclaimed book. And it's too expensive for me. But what are you doing at a book fair? Are you lost?" she smirked, batting her eyelashes.

"Ha, ha, funny. No, I'm looking for something on TV journalism; I slept through that course in college and I can't seem to find any literature I might have from then. And this book's like…22,99. What did you do, spent all your money on shoes?"

"No", April frowned and crossed her arms. "I just have some extra spendings this month. I'll get it in December, everything's cheaper at Christmas. Or I'll find some Black Friday deal, whatever."

"Maybe it'll be gone until then…"

"I think I'll take my chances." But while April was trying to emphasize that she has time to get it, Kevin had already taken out his wallet and was buying her the book. "Wait, what are you doing?" she tried to stop him.

"Why take chances when you can have it when you want it?" Were they still talking about the book? He handed her the book smiling, but she didn't take it right away. "Take it, really. It's the least I can do. You don't have anything from me, I didn't even get you a birthday present…"

"We weren't really…best buddies on my birthday", she noted.

"Well, yeah", Kevin went on, "but you bought me a present for my birthday and we'd only been dating for two weeks or so…so…I have to get you something…Think of it as a belated birthday gift….six months later…" he grinned.

She was still just looking at him, trying to understand whether he was acting upon a hidden agenda or something, but she couldn't sense anything there.

"Fine, don't take it", Kevin said as he started pretending to be reading the summary on the back. "This should be a nice bed time reading…"

April snapped and took it from his hand with a sudden move. "I didn't say I don't want it! Thank you, it's very nice what you just did and I appreciate it."

"See? Now that's much better!" he laughed.

The tension between them was starting to feel a bit too much to handle. April was the first to talk, breaking their nervous laughs.

"So….I'm going to…." April pointed towards the exit.

"Yeah, I should, too", said Kevin.

"Ok, well…thanks for the book."

"You're…welcome…and…"

"And….see you around…"

He turned around to leave, but she closed her eyes, bit her lip and tried to stop him. This was insane; no one said they couldn't be friends…

"Kev…would you like to…do you have to be somewhere?"

"I have to be at work in a couple of hours…"

"You're working on Saturdays now?"

"Yeah, um…no, a colleague needed a shift change….and I kinda got bored of playing basketball every Saturday…"

She smiled and nodded. He changed his habits. That was something she didn't expect. Maybe what-s-her-name...Amanda, had something to do with it?

"I was thinking…I wanted to get something to eat and...maybe I could buy you lunch…as a thank you..for…for the book…"

He looked at her for a few seconds, trying to decide whether accepting her invitation was a good idea or not. He thought to himself that saying 'yes' would probably be one of the worst ideas he's ever had.

"Fine. But I'm paying", Kevin finally answered, as he wheeled past her.

They found a booth, by the window; they were talking and laughing, both of them feeling so comfortable with each other that no one could have guessed that they weren't just an ordinary couple having lunch on a Saturday afternoon. To the outside world, they were enjoying themselves too much for people thinking there were simply friends.

Kevin was clearly happy about how his career was going and even thanked her for the magazine she got him while he was in the hospital. He did get a new car and he was very proud about it. April felt like time froze and by some sort of hazard she was back where she belonged, sitting next to him, enjoying him with every fiber of her body.

When she finally got home, she threw herself on the bed. She took out from her bag the book he's bought her and held it tight to her chest. She closed her eyes, exhaled and, smiling sadly to herself, she realized something for the very first time. She loved him; she loved him back then, when they were first together, she had loved him all this time. She didn't have any doubts left, she wasn't second guessing anymore. She loved him with all her heart.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N. Well, this is it, the last chapter. I can't believe I've gotten them here and I think I'll actually miss them, writing for them. I can't thank you enough for reading, everyone. Please let me know what you think, if you've enjoyed Kevin and April's journey or not, because for me it sure was a fun ride.

* * *

><p>The sound of her high heels on the hardwood floors echoed on every corner of the room. April was pacing nervously, biting her lips. She couldn't sit still for a second; it was as though she kept waiting for something and she was feeling a nervous wreck because of it.<p>

"We're starting in about ten minutes", a woman in her late twenties said, as she approached April. "April?"

"Yeah, what?"

"We're good to go, we just have to wait a few more minutes because some guys from the TV station want to set their equipment straight", Emma went on. She was one of April's co-workers, the one she shared an office with and the only one April befriended at the publishing house.

"Yeah, ok."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, why?", April answered, not really paying attention.

The company she was working on had a book launch that evening and April and Emma were the ones who've done the PR and marketing for the event.

After their brief lunch, April didn't know what to do to run into Kevin more often. She thought about confessing everything and asking him for another chance, but she didn't really have the courage to do so. She knew herself too well; she never could handle a rejection or a failure, in any area of her life. She was more prone to not trying than having to get over another disappointment. Openly taking chances wasn't her thing. All she could do was somehow show Kevin that she was available; he could have her, if he wanted, whenever he wanted. If he were to grab that chance, she'd be the happiest woman on Earth; if all he wanted was to stay friends, at least her pride wouldn't suffer. She wanted to talk about her feelings, to be one of those women who would just rush breathlessly to a guy and declare their love to him. But when it came to men, she could talk about anything but what was going on inside of her.

People from their old 'gang' were starting to call her again, inviting her out for drinks. Being near Kevin felt to April like she was back at the beginning of things, like she had this status quo she couldn't change. Being in love, but keeping the distance. Wishing he would notice her, but always remaining in the background. No matter how hard she'd try, no matter the circumstances, she would just sabotage her own life, she would always just ruin things herself unintentionally. The more she thought about it, the more she cursed herself for creating such a mess, for letting her happiness go because of absurd reasons.

She was very aware of the fact that Kevin would rarely speak to her directly these three or four times they went out with their mutual friends. He didn't seem mad at her anymore, nor was he ignoring her presence. It felt to her like she just took a huge fall from grace in his eyes and there was nothing she could do to get back to where they were. As time went by, she knew she had to give him – or give herself – an ultimatum. She was either going to act upon her feelings or simply bow out of his life gracefully. Rarely two previous lovers would make good friends and that wasn't them.

So, for the first time, she decided to take chances, although in a more subtle way. A direct confrontation she could never do. This book launch that she was managing seemed like the perfect opportunity, so she took a deep breath and called Kevin to invite him. Now, she was thinking she acted a little bit too casual; maybe he was thinking she had invited him only to show him her work, which wasn't really his field of interest. April was very aware of the fact that he might not feel anything, anymore, for her, which scared her so much, that she emptied a glass a wine in just a few seconds.

After the writer had taken his place, everyone was quiet, waiting for a reading, after which there was going to be a Questions&Answers session and an autographs one. April took one last look in the room, but didn't see Kevin anywhere. She sat down, checking her phone, but she had no texts or missed calls. She tried to focus on the event she had organized, making sure everything was going on according to plan, but her mind was elsewhere.

After the Q&A session was over, April, looking as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders, went to the bathroom a bit to freshen up. As she got back, trying to make her way through the crowd of fans that were waiting for an autograph, Emma starting questioning her.

"It's just…", April said, looking down and smiling wryly, "I hoped this guy…I sort of…had this thing with would show up."

"Oh, I'm sorry, do you want to go get a drink, or something?"

"No I…" but April never got to finish her thought, as she spotted Kevin waving to her from across the room. "Never mind, he's here", she said, as she felt that whole sadness that overtook her before fading slowly.

"Where?" Emma looked in the same direction as April. "Next to the guy in the wheelchair?"

"No", she smiled, very sure of herself and not caring one bit about Emma's reaction. "It's the guy in the wheelchair".

Her friend was left confused and with many questions hanging on the tip of her tongue as April made her way across the room.

Kevin was smiling warmly, not moving forward from his corner. He waited for her to approach him.

All April wanted was to just jump in his lap and make him hug her tight, oblivious to everyone around them. Instead, she stopped, not too close to him, unable to do any of the things she wanted to do. She loved it when he wore blue shirts that matched his eyes and wasn't really freshly shaved. She loved it when he could show to the rest of the world the very best of him, but he was still afraid he was never going to be good enough. She loved it when he was so sure of himself that he wasn't afraid to not take himself seriously at times and he was even able to make fun of himself and his situation. Most of all, she loved him and she loved it that he accepted her invitation.

"I didn't think you were coming."

"Me neither", Kevin answered. "But…here I am", he said, as he raised his shoulders.

"I'm glad you made it."

Kevin chuckled. "Me too."

"Are you here…alone?" She asked, testing the waters she was swimming in.

Kevin thought for a minute what would be the best answer. "Did any of the guys tell you anything?"

"No. What should they have told me?"

"So I guess you just…asked me to come here, even after you've met Amanda…not really…caring about her…"

"You never seemed to care about any of guys I had gone out with, why should I?"

Kevin grinned, looking down. After she called him, he tried to find out whether this was an open invitation and she'd asked him to be there in an attempt to be his friend or it was something more. After he found out that not even Claire knew about April's book launch, added up with the attention she was giving him lately, her intentions were starting to be obvious. He wasn't going to let himself hope to too much, though.

"Yeah, that seems fair. And Amanda and I…took on different paths."

"Oh, I'm sorry, what happened?" she asked, faking concern, as she took a sit on a chair next to him.

"Nah, it's ok…we didn't really have a lot in common, other than sports, but I don't really like women who are much like one of my buddies", he leaned closer to her, like he was telling her a big secret.

April couldn't be more happy about the way the evening was folding out. She wondered whether Amanda's departure from his life had anything to do with her, but she found out she didn't really care.

"Did I tell you how happy I am that you came?"

Kevin smiled. The look on her face when she saw him was enough for him to know what was going on inside her mind. "Well, yeah, this makes you happy and I was curious what 'this' really was…so…", he tried to downplay it, even though he was interested in being a part of everything that made April happy.

"Would you like to meet some of the people I work with?" April asked, as if it was the only natural course of the evening.

He didn't know how or why she had changed. About a year ago, she was having trouble getting out with him in public; now she was ready to introduce him to her co-workers. He wasn't going to ask her about it now, maybe save it for later. He was just going to wipe the look of surprise off his face, calm down his own emotions and just be himself.

"Sure, I'd love to."

She smiled and got up, leading the way to where Emma and a few more people from her work were. April introduced him to them and very proudly told them how he's a reporter for ESPN and how exciting life as a journalist is.

After answering the questions some were asking him about his job out of politeness, the subject of the conversation moved back to the book launch. Everything felt surreal to April; people's voices were fading, as the only thing she could concentrate upon was the fact that he had given her a second chance, no questions asked. She felt her entire body shaken with emotion and, as Kevin sensed it, he took her hand in his and squeezed it softly, reassuring her. April held on to his hand even tighter, never wanting to let go.

* * *

><p>Kevin unlocked the door and wheeled in the apartment. He noticed light coming from the living room; looking around, he saw April's boots lying on the floor in the hallway. Trying not to wheel over them – again – he bent over and got them out of his way. Being messy was her second nature.<p>

"Hey."

She was sitting on the couch, watching a movie and eating from a big box of ice cream.

"Hey, how was work?"

"The usual". He put the keys on a bowl on the table and set his eyes on the ice cream. Before he could get it, April pushed it out of his reach, smirking, not even looking at him. She was in his house, wearing his sweater, watching one of his movies, on his laptop and now she wasn't even going to let him get a bit of his ice cream. He loved this girl. He chuckled and shook his head, eyeing a big bag dropped in a corner.

"What have you been up to today?"

"Um…sleeping…eating…and then sleeping some more…", she turned around and kissed him hello.

"Did I wake you in the morning?"

"No, it was ok."

"What's that?" he asked, pointing at the bag.

"Oh, I went home to get the stuff I want to wear tomorrow at work…and the equipment for gym, since I was thinking I could work out a bit afterwards, given that you're working late."

He thought for a while whether he should bring up or not what he had been thinking about lately. Her moving around with her stuff seemed a bit insane. They had barely spent a moment apart ever since they got back together; and that Christmas, April got a taste of how a real family should be like, something she had never felt in almost twenty years.

"You know, you could bring over some of your things…", he said, as he took off his jacket and shoes.

"Well yeah, but then when I'll need something it might be in the other place…I don't mind packing overnight", she smiled.

"Well…" he started, trying to make it as casually as he could, "then you could bring all your stuff here…"

April turned all her attention to him, trying to see if he was saying what she thought he was saying.

"I mean…", he went on, "you're always here and moving around seems pointless. And I love you, I wanna spend as much time possible with you." He let the words linger a few moments. "And it would be great having in house help and not having to call my family whenever I need to change a light bulb…or the drapes…"

"Next weekend?" she asked, excited. "I don't want to move in the middle of the week, it's too much of a fuss."

Kevin nodded and hopped on the couch, next to her. He reached for the ice cream and took a spoonful. "Next weekend, then."


End file.
